Thursday, April 29, 2010

A time in future

Society evolves. What we vouch by today is not accepted tomorrow. Change is continuous. So, we see some definitions change.

Definition of family: Parents and children make the family. But the hitch is, it is no longer compulsory that you must have a father and mother. It can be mother-mother or father- father duo taking care of children, biological, surrogate or otherwise

Definition of marriage: A prolonged live in relationship that stumbled into a certificate session

Definition of a Classroom: Has students who have never appeared in person in front of teacher. The teacher is at least 1000 miles away blinking away sleep as he/ she is in another time zone.

Definition of a vegetable: A variety of a species genetically engineered to grow in colder climates unlike its natural origins of growing in a tropical climate.

Definition of Keeping track: Inject the kids with a chip so that you may track them in a radius of few kilometers.

Definition of higher growth for developing countries: Cultivate single crop that you have no use of, make MNCs buy it and use the money to buy the food you need that has originally been grown by your neighbour, exported to a foreign nation and imported into the country and sold at a higher price.

And discover at the end of it that we are living a life much akin to children playing train. Wee go around in circles and find that time is kind of constant. Past, present and future are just our way of relating to it.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

To catch a thief

The day dawned as any other morning. After the usual hullabaloo I create while getting ready to work, I jumped onto my scooty and rode out of the porch. Hubby dear was there to see me off as he went to office only about 11a.m.
“ Hey”, said he pointing to the drainage canal in front of house. Through the yawning where the slabs weren’t there, he could see two small crow bars.
“Look, thief’s tools”
“Where?”, asked I putting on the brakes.
“Where?”, I asked again craning my neck
“You get off that or bring it closer”
I tried to push the scooty to edge and almost ended up in the drains
“OK, you continue your investigation. I am off”, and I rode off

I returned home early the day. I was already into my home wear when I heard hubby pulling up his car outside. The boys too came in at the same time from play. So, I got busy pushing them into shower. Ten minutes had passed and hubby had not walked in. I went out to investigate.

There was small crowd gathered at the neighbour’s gate. Hubby’s wrinkle free trousers were stainful- seems he had jumped into the dry drain( thankfully of rainwater) to pick the crowbars. The neighbour who lived alone held them in his hands. Real beauties, they were. Fashioned to prick and open any heavy door with minimum effort. Everyone was super excited. The ideas of who left it, when and will the thief be back to pick them up….topics of animated conversations were many.

One guy came up with the suggestion, “Let’s wait and keep watch and when he comes, we flash torchlight to his face!”
“And catch him” , added another
“ No. no.”, the first guy continued. “See, when we flash light, he will run and we will be able to recognize him, later when the police catch him”
And so on went the intelligentsia.

The boys too were there at the boundary wall listening to this major problems adults had.
Soon, they too were ready for the thief, armed with cricket bats.
Bumbum even had a tune on lips,
“Oh, yeah,
The thief is appeared”(excuse his grammar)

“ Let’s inform the police”
“No good” said another
“We keep watch. The thief will come today to make the attempt”, said the enlightened husband.
“OK. That seems the best idea” and the crowd dispersed. The crowbars were in safe custody of neighbour. Hubby came in for shower and tea. He did not want any snack as important things were to be discussed for the night.

I thought of renaming the junction as dumbo junction. Did these people really think that the thieves will show up after all that commotion they had created? And what’s more, hubby went to the nearby bakery which sends out flash news just to spread the word. With that action, the thief could no longer be unaware.

Meanwhile we had two small power breaks. And then we had dinner and watched TV. After the enthusiastic kids were asleep, hubby dear was ready with his counterpart- our neighbour. And they kept watch till 3 am. I checked once a while till 1.15am and after that slept like a log.

Next morning, hubby misses gym, sleeps late, is in a bad mood. Anyway, he has to go to school to collect books. As he gets out, the police jeep arrives. The neighbour hands over the tools. The police examine them, ask few question, throw it in the jeep and speed away. I take the nylon rope ( to tie the thief to the electric post), kept on the water meter, inside.

Friday, April 9, 2010

What a tight spot!

  1. Tell your foreign photographer friend about an Indian festival and call him/her over for it. As they plan in advance, tell them a rough date to book and when they have done so, tell them 15 days before travel that the festival is already on and they missed it.
  2. Open the door to see a man with a polythene bag and tell him ‘Sorry, we don’t give alms’ and discover he is courier delivery boy.
  3. Give the maid few pieces of marinated fish and she discovers that they are pieces of jaggery you put in the deep freeze long ago.
  4. Take some friends to distant national park of which you have read about and find that the park is closed for the mating season.
  5. Tell a joke about squint eyes to a girl in goggles and discover….
  6. Hearing your cousin from Hyderabad speak, say “What a difficult language Telugu is!” And he tells you that they just spoke English.
  7. Tell a neighbour, just to make them happy that you love their regional cooking and be invited over for a meal where you can’t eat a morsel.
  8. Have a tenant who has a dog named after your nick name. Each time he calls out, both man and animal show up.
  9. Draped in saree, you discover half way into the party that the most important pin has slipped off and the saree is giving away and that chattering aunt doesn’t let you go and introduces to all Tom, Dick and Harry(groom hopefuls)
  10. Visit a relative and tell them your kid doesn’t like bananas and the two year old has at least three.