Monday, December 21, 2009

The Year Ahead

At the end of the year, people are looking forward for the annual horoscope. This page here lays out the horoscope of nations, persons, regions et al as perceived.

Will notch a growth rate of 7%. Things once held dear will be cheaper For eg. Nuclear reactor stuff. Team India will perform the first quarter. Kareena will puff up like sponge and size zero will be out of fashion. The ratio of pot hole to lanes on national highways will be in favour of the potholes.

IT Sector
Will see new job avenues. Will see more job portals in the virtual sphere. Smart cookies will remain as a rule. Star eyed fools and not so brights will be on roads.

Lok Sabha
Will be visited by the ghost of Vallabhai Patel who will be questioned on the reorganization of states he did long ago. Telengana MPs will start the questioning. At the end of the session, the MPs come to their senses-that more number of states is not the mantra for development.

Fish in Indian Ocean
Will have a tough time to maintain population with over fishing. Terrorists turned fishermen are now bombing the seas to attract fish

Restaurants in Kaiga
Will serve different types of water- hot, cold, sparkling and laced with Tritium. Dishes served should be eaten in certain time limit or will diminish due to half life.

Will make diving compulsory for school children as the sea rises bit by bit. Will go down the annals of history as the nation which once used to be and one which which held its cabinet meetings under sea setting a trend.

India, Cabinet Meeting 2010
Will be held through teleconferencing. Minister 1 will in standing in floods, Minister 2 in the cracks of baked earth, minister 3 by uncleaned canals, minister 4 on the container that exports surplus wheat, minister 5 on the ICBM, minister 6 hiding the missing files and bullet proof jackets of 26/11, minister 7 reading the obituary ads of people killed in Thekkady boat tragedy, minister 8 in tribal areas where there are no more tribals just Maoists and converts, minister 9 from the gay parade and the Prime Minister from the advisor’s room. And decide the country is doing fine and needs no far sighted development initiatives and just go building megastructures( hope they learn a lesson or two from Dubai World)


Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Class Leader II B

Scene I
It was a Thursday. I went as usual for lunch to home around 2 pm. Bumbum, my younger son arrives around the same time from school. That day, he stepped off the school van with a double smile on his lips. He had the badge of Class Leader II B pinned to his pocket. He showed it off to us ( mum – in-law and me). We were happy for him. I asked him to undress and take a shower and keep the badge safe in pencil box. After having lunch, I returned to office.

Scene II
Evening. I return home with a nasty headache. Take a shower and have tea. Feel better. Ask bumbum to show what he has to study for the next day. Thankfully, his father offers to help. He asks bumbum to come up to the room above where he can enjoy a rest while guiding him in his studies. As bumbum follows his father, I ask him to show dad the badge he got from school. He scampers down and opens the pencil box and the badge is missing.

Scene III
I am yelling at bumbum for not keeping his things in place. Boozy the older son says, “He always looses things. Remember he lost the badge last year and we had to give a fine?”

The grand search begins. Everyone is searching , speaking, yelling or murmuring at the same time.

Mother – in – law is complaining, “She ( myself) doesn’t care for anything”

This sets the note of my yelling higher. Father-in-law zooms into scene and yells at me not to yell as Iam setting bad example for kids to follow.

I start murmuring and ask boozy to complete his homework. And I get hold of bumbum and say, “ Don’t stand there like a fool. Think, where you kept it”
Immediately he strikes a pose with one palm cradling the little jaw with the index finger tapping the side of forehead. “ Hmm. Let’s see. I told Kichu about it”
( Kichu is sis- in law ‘s kid who had come over the afternoon with his mom and had left in the evening)
“Did you show him the badge?”
“Then where did you keep it?”, I ask almost pulling my hair out.

The mention of Kichu is enough for FL to ring SIL’s home and ask her about the badge. Poor soul, she has no clue what he is talking about. He asks her to search there.

By this time hubby dear descends from him perch in room above as he was tired of waiting for the student and unable to make calls because the commotion below.

Everyone is searching. The sofa set is moved and the floor swept twice. Various things are discovered. Lost pencils, keys, coins etc. But no badge. The mystery just deepens.

Meanwhile, father –in –law strikes an idea. Maybe, bumbum took it to the park in the evening and showedit off to friends.

“No, No. He lost it before that. I saw him going to the park empty handed”, says MIL
“ You all just shut up”, roared FIL, “ Iam going to solve this mystery and started to dial again.

“Whom are you calling?”, enquired MIL

Pavan’s grandma. Maybe pavan has it.
( Pavan is bumbum’s friend who lives nearby)

“Really”, said she cutting the connection.

“ You just let me”, said FIL and made the call again.

It was getting too much for me. I slipped away to the room above to join bumbum who was already there. I was too tired and just lay down on the bed.

Bumbum slipped out of the room. After a while, I hear a Hooray. Father and son duo come up holding the prize badge which bumbum had pinned inside the bottle holder netting on the side of the bag.

Scene IV
Half an hour lar, SIL calls up. All of the elders are in their rooms after the grand search. Bumbum picks up the phone. She asks him, “ Did you get it?”
“Give phone to grandma”
MIL waddled upto the phone, sat there on the sofa and held the receiver for ten minutes. Silently, she kept it back. And proceeded to FIL’s room.

“Why did you not call her after getting it? She searched the sleeping kid, the house, the clothes and is hurt because she knew it that her son wouldn’t have taken it”

“But I just asked because it wasn’t here”

“It’s no good. She is mad at me”