Monday, December 21, 2009

The Year Ahead

At the end of the year, people are looking forward for the annual horoscope. This page here lays out the horoscope of nations, persons, regions et al as perceived.

Will notch a growth rate of 7%. Things once held dear will be cheaper For eg. Nuclear reactor stuff. Team India will perform the first quarter. Kareena will puff up like sponge and size zero will be out of fashion. The ratio of pot hole to lanes on national highways will be in favour of the potholes.

IT Sector
Will see new job avenues. Will see more job portals in the virtual sphere. Smart cookies will remain as a rule. Star eyed fools and not so brights will be on roads.

Lok Sabha
Will be visited by the ghost of Vallabhai Patel who will be questioned on the reorganization of states he did long ago. Telengana MPs will start the questioning. At the end of the session, the MPs come to their senses-that more number of states is not the mantra for development.

Fish in Indian Ocean
Will have a tough time to maintain population with over fishing. Terrorists turned fishermen are now bombing the seas to attract fish

Restaurants in Kaiga
Will serve different types of water- hot, cold, sparkling and laced with Tritium. Dishes served should be eaten in certain time limit or will diminish due to half life.

Will make diving compulsory for school children as the sea rises bit by bit. Will go down the annals of history as the nation which once used to be and one which which held its cabinet meetings under sea setting a trend.

India, Cabinet Meeting 2010
Will be held through teleconferencing. Minister 1 will in standing in floods, Minister 2 in the cracks of baked earth, minister 3 by uncleaned canals, minister 4 on the container that exports surplus wheat, minister 5 on the ICBM, minister 6 hiding the missing files and bullet proof jackets of 26/11, minister 7 reading the obituary ads of people killed in Thekkady boat tragedy, minister 8 in tribal areas where there are no more tribals just Maoists and converts, minister 9 from the gay parade and the Prime Minister from the advisor’s room. And decide the country is doing fine and needs no far sighted development initiatives and just go building megastructures( hope they learn a lesson or two from Dubai World)



  1. Lol...that's a fresh style of writing from you...all in all it definitely looks like a year to look forward to, yeah? :p
    Happy new year to you too :)

  2. Everything else seems likely except Kareena Kapoor puffing up like sponge. May be like a slice of bread..not sponge, never! :D

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  4. I don't get one thing. How is the whole world population divided among 12 sun signs.

    Pisces: World tour net week
    Aquarius: Health problem
    Taurus: Economic instability, New ventures

    So on.. n so forth.
    Now all pisceans on world tour, while Aquarians fell sick and Taurus's venturing.


    Queer !!!

    And I loved this style of yours.
    Splendid write. The farce which is created is one freaking surprising element.

  5. Extremely funny.I liked your concept of the cabinet in 2010.

  6. Wow! What a great year ahead. Looking forward to it! Happy New Year to you too...
    SHHHH...No one talks about Dubai World anymore...;) Its gone where it came from but into deeeeeeper water....Sigh...

  7. Hahahahaha...I just enjoyed reading this post. Especially restaurants at Kaiga serving different types of water and food diminishing due to half-life...Classic!!

    Have a great year ahead :-)

  8. Great post !! This is amazing !!Thanks for dropping by Unseen Rajasthan.

  9. Now u've proved yourself to be Holy and Lama all the same! Prophesising the year ahead aye? Witty to the end, but very very likely. I wouldn't be surprised if it all came true!!!

  10. lol! Maybe we should send these predictions to all those concerned! You have become The One and Only for making predictions (especially after the prediction that came true this morning) Especially liked the 'Fish in Indian Ocean'

  11. Destiny's Child
    Aww! Lemme at least hope Kareena may get fatter and fashion might change and my size becomes fashionable:)

    Glad you liked the style. According to astrologists, humans have more in common. They need only twelve signs to diffrentiate the whole species into.

    BK Chowla
    Hope I'm proved wrong in the cabinet meting 2010 prophecy. India needs some far sighted visionaries.

    We seem to be heading for that. Scientist missing, water contaminated- something is not right at Kaiga.

    Unseen Rajasthan
    Glad you liked it

    Had to show my true colours someday.

    Novice Writer
    Concerned for the fish? You sensitive soul.

  12. lol...back with a bang!!!!! Loved the horoscope..and I also know that this blog would go places ;)

  13. hahaha, that was some horoscope...what a way to convey the truth...quite enjoyed reading this post...and Ghost of Sardar Patel, hmm, that's indeed something :)

  14. LOL !!! Good one !

    'The lady will puff up like a sponge'is something that sure is interesting.

    The one thing you talk of as MPs realise that more states doesnt lead to development, is not something that i quite agree. I dont think the MPs have been thinking of development in the first place ! ;)

  15. You spoke like a journalist, phaps from ur experience or phaps a result of being a routine reader of news papers..

  16. This was indeed funny. What a prediction! ;)
    And Kareena will puff up like sponge??? That's very unlikely. She might become thinner and vanish someday, but never as per the prediction. ;)
    Enjoyed the post to the core. Happy New Year! :)

  17. A New Begining
    Thanks for that dreamy prediction.:)

    Can't think of anyone alive who talk to these Break to pieces MPs

    Just tried to show them somewhat good. We know better.

    Ahem. Phaps an observer.

    And we will have anew version of The Great Indian Vanishing Act

  18. The predictions are interesting! Will look forward to the new year!

    Merry Xmas and Happy New Year

  19. lolzzzz that was hillarious take... loved the teleconferencing part... I think they should be made to do that ... that would serve them good for not taking care of the country properly... after all they should also know what common people are suffering...
    loved the post :D

  20. hey Lama.. you made me surprised..with ur post.. well done.. i was reading like a real horoscope..:)

    any wayss... yaa i'm happy abt some positive note in your post..:)

    good yaa.. happy christmas and happy new year..:)

    thanks for ur wishes..:)

  21. Rajlakshmi
    Hope the forecast gets better next year.:)

    Being Promoda
    Yes, one needs lots of positive attitude to see a year through.

  22. the horoscope was indeed funny...but i am sure for u it wud have been an easy work...i get to hear ur office tales very often;)

  23. Great Thought, and I beleive every word you have said Will turn out to be true, especially the cabinet meeting 2010.. though i would like to add that a Few Ministers not just one will be Online from some Remote Jails..

    and Maldives:- I better organise my holidays properly and visit this beautiful place, cause it might not be there .. Wish i can win a lottery or something :)

    Wishing you a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR tooo...

  24. angel in disguise
    Reading my mind, angel? Let poor lama do prophecy.

    Welcome here. Pack your bags and get going to Maldives. Soon, it will disappear.