The Holy Lama

A hartal day in Kerala

2011-11-29T02:36:00.000-08:00

Today is yet another Hartal in God's own country. We have it for many reasons - national, regional and local importance. Today's Hartal is to wake up Union Government to Give green signal to build a new dam over the Periyar river. With Dam 999 movie in theatres, public fear has reached a frenzy, If the 116 yr old Mullaperiyar breaks, the waters will inundate parts of four districts. The waters will move at 100km/hr and reach the biz hub of Cochin in just 4 minutes and wash everything out to sea. A total of 35 lakh people will be killed instantly. So, Keral needs a new dam while TN is happy with the old one which is in kerala but produces power for TN and irrigates its three districts.

So, we have a hartal. No schools, no shops, no buses. People perceive it in different manners.

As my elder son puts it," What a waste . 10 years of studies including 2 years in Kindergarten and you will be killed by floods"

Or take the case of hubby who played good samaritan to a lady waiting for the non coming bus and gives lift. Immediately the guy at the stop too tries to hop in to the rear seat. Hubby," Hey, you. Get in front"

Ride of 3kms. Girl gets off. The car moves and the guy is trying to open door. But the door of the dear car won't budge. He says," Itoo want to get off"

Hubby asks," Where are you going?"
" I just, ah. er..."
" I will drop youat the place"
"Sir, You are taking me to the police , aren't you"
(surprise)
" I'm not that kind of a guy. I'mm good"
Hubby drops him at the next stop.

Reasons to go on a trip

2011-11-24T00:21:00.000-08:00

#1. Your cat is bored and so are you

#2. You are tired and can’t sleep

#3. You had enough of the same cribbing from office, in laws, parents and kids

#4. Your camera is sitting idle.

#5. You have a different environ to fight with spouse or even love.

#6. Your maid is taking a holiday

#7. You came into some money

#8. Your neighbor took a holiday.

#9. You suddenly turned pious.

#10. The inflight magazine was responsible.

So, when are you taking a holiday?

Superman comes to Kochi

2011-11-21T23:41:00.000-08:00

It was…I think in the month of September. Kerala had just played host to the annual guest – Mahabali and we were still talking Onam. The rains had left Bum Bum with a fever. So after 1 week of self medications, home made concoctions etc, we took him to the doc. She on her part tried to look serious and wrote out a nice little test to be done immediately. It was 8 pm. We took him to one of the 24x7 labs, took his blood and gave for test. The huge massaging chair helped to coax Bum Bum to dispense some blood. We returned to the apartments.

There was little crowd milling around, all looking very serious. Someone came running from the adjoining apartments shrieking, “ No, He is not there”. One woman looked dazed. Men were trying to look strong.

One 5yr old was missing. It seems the mother left him with the tuition teacher and went shopping with little daughter and ayah. Now the apartment is locked and no one answers the bell and he is not to be seen.

Suddenly, someone remembered that he saw the boy riding off in his bicycle. Soon, someone was questioning the guard who said he joined shift at 8.00pm.

The local Hero took his bike and zoomed to 2 police stations and 3 hospitals and was back drawing a blank in 15mins.

Some were trying to push and break the door to enter the apartment. The building secretary was trying to be in all places at once. Bumbum was now discussing with friends about the disappearance.

And then it happened. A man descended into the balcony of the apartment from the apartment above. He got in and found the child deep asleep on bed. The bedroom TV was on.

Clad in red T shirt and Black trousers, this superman had worn his ‘undies’ inside, or we would have known earlier.

He was our plumber.

P.S He was assisted by our electrician who placed a ladder from the flat above to this balcony.

For Your Information

2011-11-14T20:08:00.000-08:00

It was almost dusk when my younger son barged home. Angry, he was on the verge of tears. It seems, his big brother had shooed him off the football match they were playing with the rest of the kids in the complex. We had moved in about two weeks ago and the boys had found their friends. I still didn’t know the people beyond the adjoining floors. So, I went along with him to reinstate him and get to know the moms. I found a group sitting on the bench enjoying the breeze, the game and gossip. I joined them.

After a while Mom A stood up and checked the seat of her dress to find that it was wet. The rains earlier the day had seeped into the grooves of the granite bench where she had been sitting. This turned the conversation to the incidents where one felt really uncomfortable.

Mom A, “The time I broke my shoe in Dubai…. We were just going enter this hotel lobby and it breaks”
Mom B., “ Oh! Really”.
Mom A, “ It was so embarrassing and you know that it was The Atlantis. And we had to buy another pair from the adjoining mall and it came to 4000+”
All, “My, My”
Read message: She has been to The Atlantis in Dubai

Now it Mom C’s turn
Mom C, “You know once when we flying in from Singapore, the sandals broke”
Mom B, “How did you manage? Didn’t you sis-in-law make fun of you”
Mom C, “ No. This time I was flying into Cochin not Chennai. I just took it off and walked. It was only Dad who would know me”.
Read message: She has been to Singapore at least twice

Mom B didn’t want to be left behind
Mom B: Nothing will beat my daughter’s condition. She was at this diamond store where she usually goes to and admiring herself in a full length mirror when the damn pencil heel broke. And the guys there were trying their level best to stifle laughter.
Mom A: Did she make a purchase?
MomB: She did. She chose that necklace and rushed to car while I remained to pay the bill.
Tee hee..went all.
But message went across: The marriageable age daughter has got another diamond necklace…any grooms?

By this time one guy walks up to the bench holding a baby
Says he in a feminine voice,”Hi girls(where all of them are on the wrong side of 35)”
Displeasure writ large on their face, the girls return the Hi and get up to disperse.

I had enough of ‘Knowing Thy Neighbours’ session and was relieved with this break by guy-uhhh-girl( not sure about gender)

Living in an apartment

2011-08-09T04:53:00.000-07:00

We moved in to a apartment complex about a year ago. And I am still getting to know the life in one.

Recently, the security agency at the main gate changed. Blue shirts were replaced with green shirts. And for the last three days, we could hear water running in the flat above. So, we finally decided it was time to report. Hubby gave his advice on doing so and went to the gym. I was cooking and expecting guests later in the day. with many things on my mind, I dialled 1002.
A voice on other end said,"Police Control Room"
Wow, the security fancies to call itself the police control, I thought and said" Iam calling building 2 flat 5c and please send the plumber."
"The voice," Lady, this is Police Control Room"
"Yeah, yeah. I Know."
"Do You where you have called?"
" I called the main gate. It is where we call. The plumber never answers his number"
"Please listen. This is Police Control Room"
I glanced down for first time during entire conversation. I was calling on the blue phone and not on the red intercom. I smashed the receiver down.

And now the blue phone is dead.

Playing Host

2011-06-02T02:29:00.000-07:00

Summers and you don different garbs. You play host, tour, work, and generally are the verge of losing it when school reopens, monsoons come and life returns to normal. In the following weeks I will recollect some of the abnormal experiences. Here is first one.

Husband's co has a stockist in Bangalore who came down to visit Kochi. The Husband and wife duo were made for each other measuring not an inch above five feet, equally clueless about what to expect and equally carried by those lovely houseboat pics that tourism offices put up around the world. And to top it all, they were pure vegetarians -Jains( mostly ultra orthodox sect who won't have any vegetable that grows underground, won't dine at a veg+ non veg restaurant and even not like the vegetarian fare around). Jain tourists usually cook their own food or bring packed food for foreign tours!

We had to take them around Cochin and spend the day with them. Our guests originally belonged to Rajasthan but had been living in Bangalore for last 35 years. They had two grown up children who had recently married. So the couple were out for their second honeymoon.

They arrived late morning. We started with Mattanchery. By the time we reached the Jewish synagogue , it was closed for siesta and was to reopen by 3pm. So I tried to engage their interest in antique jewellery and furniture shops of Jew Town. But they were unamused and the lady kept repeating that they would get cheap stuff in Kolkatta where they shopped for daughter's wedding. I however continued my efforts to generate interest. But their bored looks made us try another attempt which was taking them to Fort Kochi, the place known for the Chinese fishing nets. But the decision was wrong. The beach and wharf stank of fish and the lady was almost blue in face closing noseand mouth. Her eyes pleaded rescue which we promptly did and took them to one of the oldest churches in the area. Another lesson learnt-Jains are not interested in churches even if they have Portugese inscription, centuries old Punkahs and nice wooden pews.Evey now and then, they would ask, "Will we going on a houseboat today?" to which we would be patient and say that good houseboat tours are in neighbouring dist. Alappuzha and that they can go on one the next day or the day after. But no avail. The question was a good example of periodic motion and was put to us at regular intervals.

After lunch from a Gujrati restaurant, we took them again to the synagogue. I tried to explain Jews and Judaism to the uninterested couple who made a face looking at the paintings depicting arrival and progress of Jews in Kerala. I ranted on my knowledge. At last they asked a question "Ganne ka juice jaisa
"( Like cane juice?)

That shut me up for the rest of day. I have answered some weird questions in life but this was too much.

P.S This just a humourous generalisation. I know many saner Jains.

A vacant space

2011-02-08T09:37:00.000-08:00

Last week dad's best friend passed away. He was an acute diabetic and living alone after wife's death. The bai(housemaid) would come in at sometime in the day and prepare the next 24 hr meal for him.

That day, he did not answer the bell. The bai called her son who called his sister about 5 kms away. She and another brother broke into the house. The iron grill door took some time to give away. Inside, he lay semi conscious on bed struck with a stroke. They rushed him to the hospital where he lay for a week showing no signs of reversal. He had no children and no will to live.

Dad called up in one evening with the news. I just grunted, talked about few other things before putting down the receiver. I had seen him come to our house almost on adaily basis from the time I could remember anything. As more memories played playback, more tears welled up in the eyes. I rarely called him after I got married. But he was always a part which now lies vacant.

A viewpoint

2011-01-20T11:20:00.000-08:00

Son goes for NTSE for class III. It being Talent Search, I did not teach him, wanted to know his take.

Son comes back. He has marked options on question paper.Couple of pleasant and unpleasant surprises and then the question

Q. Select the odd one out
a. Deer b. Elephant
c. Tiger d. Rabbit

Answer marked is Elephant. Asked why so. Pat comes the reply,"Because Elephants don't jump, or pounce! "

[......]

"Have you ever seen an elephant jump?", asks he and hops on to the bed to get some sleep.

[...............]

The unmaking of India

2010-12-12T21:46:00.000-08:00

This post played on the mind for long. I just didn’t have the courage to spell my fears. For some time now we are hearing and seeing a bit too much that makes us lose the famous Indian complacency. I had been one of the ardent believers of the shining India story. But now I feel the façade is giving away at a mind boggling pace to show the hollow innards of the system. But Iam not trying to bring attention to the majot topics of the day like the telecom scam or Radia tapes, but bring to light a fast spreading phenomenon that can leave the people in the shackles of penury.

GOLD LOAN – a new nomenclature for the old pawn broking business. Many years ago the leaders of newly independent India had taken efforts to push these to mere existence and showed people that banking was a safer and saner solution to financial needs. The habit of saving was inculcated in us and the gold was safest investment and saved to deal with the needs of future.

With increased consumerism, the needs have escalated but the incomes of all haven’t. Senseless borrowing seems to be order of the day. The condition is much like the Hindi sayng”Aamdaani athanni aur karcha rapaiya’ ( income 50 paise and expenditure a rupee). You get loans of all kinds – education, car, vehicle, house, personal needs, business etc. Earlier you went to the bank of financial institution for a loan, now they are after you asking you take a loan. But even with this kind of banking approach, people just want more money faster. Result, they opt for GOLD LOAN. They pawn the ornaments with some new age sahukars and get the money and if the business idea fails end up paying exorbitant interest that squeeze the life out of families.

The GOLD COIN investments are yet another nice way to trap the naïve. A closer inspection to the terms of these brings forth the fact that there is no sale involved. You believe that you invested in gold but have actually pawned the gold. I hope some journalist publishes details of these and people can be saved.

A look at the statistics shows that hundreds of new offices of these not so holy NBFCs have opened. They have made inroads to hitherto unchartered territory snuffing the future out for many. The loans have helped some but harmed many.

Fear Factor

2010-11-04T00:13:00.000-07:00

Every year I get annual visits from cousins. One of them comes down with only four things on his mind.
1. Meet all relatives, but stay at a hotel.
2. Visit all major temples and donate lumpsums insisting a hundred times that his name should not be published.
3. Buy more land/ apartment/ house.
4. And instil the fear in you and family that the Hindus are at risk.

The fist exercise leaves everyone with three arches in face - two raised eyebrows and one unhappy mouth.

The second makes sure that all authorities know whose name should not be published

The third has left him lose count of property

And the fourth leaves me with a hoarse voice trying to argue. He is afraid that all non Hindus are having more children...gives some statistic that in Kerala the majority will non hindus in next ten years...that things will be bleak once it happens and so on. And my kids hang around hearing every bit of it. He can't digest I go to a nearby Church for the annual festival there nor that my dad is reading parts of Koran as part of his translation work.

I argue that he is employed by non hindus and lives with family in a non Hindu country with absolutely no problems. Then, he tries to say that people there are different. So, it is not religion that causes problems but just peoples' mindset, I argue.

By then the allotted 30 mins of his valuable time is over. He wraps up the conversation and gives couple of pics of his kids. And hugs my kids and wishes us well and steps out with a Jai Shri Ram! He has three more relatives to visit the same day.

Bye Bye, Cousin till next year.

Case filed

2010-10-22T01:45:00.001-07:00

This morning the discussion was coming to the last round. Till now the case had five favouring the decision to have a legal settlement while three others just wanted to wrap the affair. The main hurdle of the whole proceeding is that harm has been caused to a baby just seven months old.

For you innocent folks let me take you through some scenes
1. Young family flies in from USA for a wedding in family. The baby is eagerly awaited as none have seen him yet face to face.
2. The house wore a new coat of paint, the yard was cleaned, the sitout retiled and so on.
3. The boy’s family are let minimum time to hold baby (kissing not allowed ) before wife and kid proceed to her house as it is her brother who is marrying soon.
4. Mum in law and pop in law are pissed off when son too leaves by evening
5. Ten more days to wedding. Many ceremonies before that.
6. Boy’s parents are not good at the traditions and draw amused glances from everyone as they do some silly mistakes. Boy is worried that they are not performing well enough.
7. Pop in law starts acting funny starting a cold war with son. Son vents anger on mom. Mom hates daughter in law for that and DIL has no love for anyone except the baby.
8. Wedding day. Mum and pop in law act as if they are just another couple invited and not partake in ceremonies on the stage. Girl is happy as she gets to meet her friends and relatives after long break. Boy is happy and unhappy at same time but poses for photos. Baby changes hands and finally is left with an eight year old as others are too busy.
9. Baby is found sitting on a chair with some kids playing nearby. Baby has a well chewed bubblegum in his hair, all matted.
10. Pandemonium.
11. Everyone points finger to other for not being responsible. Baby’s head is washed many times but gum sticks on.
12. Baby develops cold and fever in subsequent days and is hospitalized. Son is worried whether they can manage a clearance to fly back.
13. The rift in family widens.
14. The neighbours click their tongues at the situation. They try to be helpful by asking more questions.

By noon, the decision is out. The culprit – Bubblegum makers. The verdict- the neighbours abstain from gum eating for a week

Meanwhile the plane with baby touches down on American soil.

LLCS(Losers Low Confidence Syndrome)

2010-10-11T00:56:00.000-07:00

I don’t know whether any other nation has this disease. About 40% of Indians are afflicted by this disease. Even if they are happy that the country is winning some medals at some International games like CWG, they can’t show their happiness. They will make such comments as “Thanks to Kalmadi, we scared the better sportspersons so that we can win some medals”.

The disease afflicts a lot of prominent mediapersons too. They don’t seem to be happy at all. Charu Sharma on DD Sports was commenting, “Saare medal thodhi na lene hai. Doosare desh bhi aaye hain”. That’s real good spirit booster. Let others take the medals and we just compete seems to be his mantra.

Barkha Dutt was asking someone for his opinion on the Ayodhya verdict and she phrased the question, “How has this verdict disappointed you?” The likes of her won’t let the nation move on.

I hope someone finds some medicine soon for this dangerous disease.

Rehashed

2010-10-03T21:34:00.000-07:00

Dear blogger friends. It has been very busy for me as I try to balance between work and home. So, haven't been able to write anything new. Posting comments on other blogs has been poor. Please bear for some more days:)
Meanwhile, read the rehashed post and laugh

The Indian summer: it affects different people in different ways. Let us examine the case at hand.

A small village in central Kerala is the stage. After a sumptuous lunch, the household has settled down for a siesta. And thanks, to loadshedding, getting a wink was proving to be difficult. But our braveheart family did not give in. People took to the bare floor where it was cooler. The atmosphere was quiet. Even the cows were not mooing.

Kerala as you might know is a 100% literate state and publishes many magazines, newspapers, weeklies etc for its voracious reading population. These editors are real mavericks for they come up with all kinds of useful information for its readers- for eg: How to make Sambar- a dish which everyone in south India knows to make, How to make your child eat, Why did Cuba have problems, Ask the psychologist column, Weekly horoscope, The story of couples who opted for love marriages etc.

Our heroine had one such useful magazine to help her to go to sleep. She was feeling drowsy when she came upon the page – Cats too can go mad. As the household had couple of cats, she was hooked. Her eyes grew wider as she read on.

She nudged her husband who was snoring away, “Did you know that cats can go mad?”.
“No.” Said he and rolled over to the other side.
But she was not letting him go with that, “Look, I am not joking. It says so here. And they have listed the symptoms too…”
“Eh?”
“1. The cat prefers a shaded place.
2. It doesn’t react quickly when provoked.
3. Once Provoked…” Before she could continue, he took the magazine from her.
She protested and then gave in saying, “OK. Read for yourself. Anyway, it’s almost time to make tea. I will just refresh myself”. And she went into the adjoining bathroom.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhh” She came out screaming and was now standing on the bed.
“ What’s the matter? Why are you screaming?”
“ It’s the cat. It’s in there”
“So?”
“It’s mad”
“Who, our Sati? No joking”
“No, It’s true. It’s in there”
“OK, Let me see”
He tiptoed to the bathroom. And there was Sati lying in one corner of the huge bathroom. He tiptoed out and went to the terrace where the arecanuts were spread to dry in the Sun. He picked an handful and came back and started to pelt the cat.

At the first pelt, she did not bother. By the fourth, she opened a questioning eye. She didn’t like to be disturbed thus. She was in no mood to play. By the tenth, she heaved herself up and padded to the other corner and settled down again to continue her disturbed sleep. But this was not her day! The pelting continued.

Now she had it. She got up and stood in the classic arched pose, flashing her teeth. Her hair was standing on its end. She looked ferocious. She was a big cat and a black one at that.

However, she could not quite understand this sudden change in behaviour of her masters. They loved her and she loved them too. And she had been a good cat. That morning too, she had curled at the foot of the bed and crooned appropriately when cuddled. At breakfast, she had eaten the crumbs and purred gratefully. And she had not stolen a thing from the kitchen, except the neighbour’s. Her mom had taught her not to steal from the house where she chose to live. Then, what was the problem, wondered Sati. Maybe it was the mouse she had failed to catch, but that should not be a problem, Sati thought. Anyway, she continued to snarl and keep the pelters at a distance.

By then, the couple was sure that the cat was mad. Now the husband brought in a pole to poke the poor cat. Meanwhile, the commotion had woken everyone and all of them made a beeline for the room where the action was.

The Lady of the house, my aunt, went in first. Upon being enlightened by the state of affairs by her daughter, who was still standing on the bed, she exclaimed, “Oh! Shut up. Don’t be so stupid to believe in that nonsense. It is a hot afternoon and the poor cat has simply found itself a cool place to nap”. But her daughter and son-in-law differed. As aunt tried to go into the bathroom, they tried to save her from imminent calamity. She shoved them aside and went in and called the cat lovingly. She approached it slowly and the cat calmed down a bit. She picked it up and came out.

“Look”, said aunt. But there was no one in the room. The daughter had gone to a safer place- on top of the dining table. The son-in-law peeped from the kitchen.

“Ha ha haHo Ho”, aunt burst out laughing and added, “We don’t have a mad cat in the family, but two madcaps who think that cats can’t climb on to the dining table”.

A trail of laughter followed.

Where are the nails?

2010-09-18T00:39:00.000-07:00

“Amma, Padmam…Where are the nails?”, cried Krisna swamy.
“ Look carefully. You’ll find it. Who needs your nails anyway?”, replied Padmambal from the kitchen where she was frying the kondattom( dried rice snacks)
“I had put it in the small room alongwith other such stuff. Now it is not there”
“You might have left it somewhere and forgotten about it”, said Padmaambal arriving on the scene and joining the search.
“Tomorrow that carpenter will come to mend the cowshed. I had kept it ready so that he works full day.”
“Aama(Yeah), that guy is a lazy bum. He works only when you cal him to have the coffee”
The search continued. No results

“Oh! This summer sun makes you thirsty. Give me some sambharam( buttermilk with chillies and curry leaves)
“I ‘ll get you soon”
“I thought that once our grandchildren went back to Mumbai, we’ll have nothing to do. But today seems to be more busier. What’s the time?”
“It is almost 2p.m. Didn’t notice at all. You and your nails.”
“ Did our son and family call after returning to Mumbai?
“oh! They would’ve reached only this morning. Might be resting after journey.”

“I’ll just check out the plantain grove. Will be back in an hour. Keep the coffee ready then”
“O.K. Take care. There are some snakes in the adjoining rubber plantation”
“I will wear those gumboots”

Silence. The late afternoon is very still. Padmaambal could hear the steps receding into the grove beyond. She reclined on the easy chair for a while thinking of her grandsons aged 5 and 8. Perfect scoundrels, they were. She could not lie down while they were here. She could hear fast steps approaching. Is he back already, she thought.

“Padmam, I found the nails”, panted Krishna Swamy
“Where from? Why is your hands and nails wet?”
“Just guess.”
“Well, your dear grandsons drove them home in couple of plants in the grove. All that just started to bear fruits. Just let them call. Hmmph”

Just then, the phone starts to ring. It is the son calling from Mumbai.
“Amma, we reached a bit late. Where is Appa?”
“He is fuming here”
“Why? What happened?”
“You ask”, said she handing over the mouthpiece to her husband
“Give it to Subbu” ( subbu was the elder kid)
“Hello”, squeaked a voice.
“ Why did you drive the nails into the plantain plants?”

“Oh! That. We wanted to see if it gives out sap like the rubber tree. We kept a coconut shell below to collect the sap. Ramu nailed 6 and I nailed 10. How much sap is collected? Send the money from selling it for Diwali. Bye Tatha(grandpa)”

A Chapter

2010-09-10T02:17:00.000-07:00

It was the May of 1985. Dad bought the first car of his life , old rugged 1962 model ambassador. He used to work in central India then. And he bought the car from a doc in Kerala. He had this adventurous idea of driving it all the way up to Bhilai where our native town, Thrissur, covering more than 2000kms. So we got ourselves a mechanic and started off.

Summer in the Deccan is not one of the most pleasant regions to travel in a non Ac car. But there we were, driving through little villages with a trail of amused children and dust. We tasted all kinds of cuisines on the way from wayside little hotels and somewhat better restaurants. It was fun.

Well, we reached Hyderabad around 2 AM. And the town was asleep. We were new to the city and we did not how to get to the main road to the better hotels. We tried one or two, but they were kind of unwilling to take in late visitors and said"No rooms available". so we finally ended up in an old house converted into a hotel. It had one big squarish inner courtyard, around which the rooms were set. That night was horrible. The room was full of gigantic mosquitoes who made sure that we did not sleep a wink.

The next day we started off in search of a better hotel and found one. And we saw the Golconda fort and the Salar-e- jung museum. Drive to Bhilai from there took another two days. By the time we reached Bhilai, the driver had Chicken pox and I had fever.

The fever I had was peculiar. I ran high temperatures every alternate day and only at night. After about three cycles , I was hallucinating, seeing peacocks from my window, Amitabh Bachchan dancing by the bedside and so on... Soon, I ended up in the hospital in a double room where the other bed was occupied by a woman. I drifted off to sleep with IVs injecting medicines into me. I regained complete consciouness only by late afternoon. I had opened my eyes earlier and seen my mother talking with the woman on the bed. Now, she told me that her name was Kamala and that she had kidney failure.
" How are you feeling now?", Kamala asked
" Better", I managed.
" Oh! It's nothing. Look at me, I have dialysis twice a month but Iam OK".

I smiled. Mom took over the conversation part.
Suddenly, there was a commotion in the adjoining room. A girl my age was being given Oxygen. I saw her some moments ago as she peeked into my room from the small corridor that joined the rooms. She was a bubbly, beautiful Punjabi girl. And when mom said that she being given oxygen, I did not believe it. She had a serious cardiac problem.

Next day, Kamala had a visitor. Her husband, a trucking businessman, had come over. They spoke in hushed tones. He was crying and she was trying to comfort him. And when he left, she told us that he would return the next day with the kids. She showed some photos of the kids - a three year daughter and a five year old son.

"Cute children, are'nt they?", asked Kamala.
" And who is this?", mom asked
"That's me. I looked beautiful then. It is at a wedding."
Tears welled up in her eyes. She was lost in thought.

Later she told mom that her treatment costs were getting out of hand and that her husband was the youngest brother and he could no more take money from the family business to treat her. But she held nothing against her in -laws. She believed in God and fate.

Next day, Kamala was up early, all dressed to see the kids. Soon, we heard chattering voices in the passage. The kids were here. They came and leapt at Kamala in joy.

"Come home", they said.

I was a witness to the poignant moment. Her husband and her eyes were happy and sad at the same time. The husband had brought some food. She fed the children with her hands. The elder was telling her about school, the younger one about her cousins. It was the first time I realised, the value of life.

That evening, she was mum, unlike her chattering self. By night, she said that she asked her husband not to show her body to the kids. She wants them to remember her as an active mother.

I got discharged the next day. Later we came to know, she was soon paralysed and her systems shut down one after other and she died. She was cremated nearby and not taken home as per her wishes.

I will always remember this chapter of my life.

P.S This post was originally published in overacuppacopy.blogspot.com

Gafur ka dost

2010-09-02T00:23:00.000-07:00

Any Malayali worth the name will remember the snip from the movie- Naadodikattu. It comically brings out the scams that go on in the name of recruiting for overseas jobs. Lured into the net with dreams of a wealthy tomorrow, the hit duo Mohanlal-Sreenivasan, give Gafur, the agent whatever money they could manage for a ride on boat to gulf as they have no VISA. And they are fooled by the agent who tells them to hop off after an overnite ride to Chennai. He gives them a pair of Arab dress, teaches them some useful Arabic like Salaam Valaikum, Valaikum usalaam and tells them to blurt out Gafur ka dost if some one asks more.

Kerala is full of such agents. You get ‘Gafur ka dost’ for any job to be done- some take you for a ride while others deliver. It is really a difficult job to differentiate one from another. Maybe Kerala has the maximum no. of agents who provide gas connection, rail or air tickets, Visa help, school/college admissions, real estate, housemaid, home nurse, babysitter, painter, plumber, electrician, taxis, bystander at hospital if you have none in the family to do the service, beautiful well dressed girls to pose as bride’s friends and add glamour to a wedding and on goes the list. And the public is kind of wary but still uses these invaluable services, sometimes in the process losing all their valuables.

In this scenario, the simple Good Samaritan who tries to extend help to fellow beings in whatever way possible is gauged differently. The absolute free services don’t carry the same weight as paid service. So, the person you are trying to help either looks at other avenues or runs out of patience and rarely is able to receive a help well delivered.

Things have come to a pass where we find difficult to believe a person through and through. “Nothing comes for FREE” – is it getting a bit too much into our heads? Or are we losing patience working on computers as in “Hey, this page is taking forever to load, let’s try other options?”

Railgadi chuk chuk chuk

2010-08-26T02:55:00.000-07:00

Trains fascinate me. My first train travel was as a one year old. The annual two day journey to Kerala was the greatest attraction for summer. As I grew up so did the Indian railways. The steam engine gave way to Diesel and then to Electric engines. But the clamour, melee at stations, the running after TTE for a berth etc continued. Then, few trains had AC coaches, now there are many and more travelers opting for it. But Iam here to relate few incidents of some train travelers of yesteryears.

1.Mr. Bannerjee took the express to Calcutta. At Jharsaguda, the train waited at the station for further signal. The power in the coaches went off. Mr. Bannerjee got down to the platform and dozed off to sleep on a bench that sultry summer night. Waking up, he asked the station master to send a telegram to his brother to collect the luggage at Howrah terminus.

2.Dad was single then. He was returning from kerala after attending the funeral of an aunt. He makes it to Jolarpettai. From there onwards, he has no connecting train for another 14 hours. Has to reach ASAP. He boards a goods train. Makes friends with engine driver, shares his dinner, sleeps on his bed and reaches destination in time to report to duty.

3.There was no direct train to Kerala from Central India. The Keralites in Bhilai gathered for an agitation. I remember riding on the carrier seat of Dad’s Yezdi, the road swirling up dust as hundreds of Malayalis- Hindus, Christians, Muslims all rode on various vehicles to the rail crossing to have a Rail Roko. Years later, I drew parallels when I saw Gandhi – the Dandi March scene. First we got two bogies which were pulled in by some train to Nagpur where it waited in the outer to get hitched on the Kerala Express from Delhi. A year or two later, we got the train Bilaspur Cochin Express which is now extended to Trivandrum.

4.Mr. Mahalingam, Mrs. Mahalingam and three kids board the train. There is nothing maha about Mahalingam, a puny man while wife is rotund and pregnant fullterm. Draped in a nine yard kancheepuram and bedecked with flowers they get on with at least eight small pieces of luggage. Dinner is packed in a typical cloth bag. After dinner, lights go off. At 11.00 p.m, the pains start. Mahalingam swoons. Other passengers now have it on them to pull off a delivery. The next station with medical assistance is a good four hours away. People run along the train in either directions to get hold of a Doc or nurse. They find an ortho and a military nurse who deliver a baby boy on lower berth with sheets as partition from passage.

5.Abdul Salim boards from Kurla terminus in Mumbai. He is a NRI- a poor one. He works as a labourer on Dubai’s prestigious projects. But he has a big suitcase. Two RPF trainees too get on the train. They want some goodies. They ask him to open the suitcase near the toilets for security reasons. Mumbai blasts are still fresh in public mind. So, they let RPF check. The lady occupying the nearby seat is concerned. She asks, “Kyon tang kar rahe ho bechare ko?”( why are you bothering him?”
People look up and want her to keep quiet. The questioning session goes on. The train is nearing Kalyan.
”Tum logon ko sirf uska saman chahiye! Arre logon, yeh bechara mehnat kar ghar kuch laya hai aur yeh nikamme use lena chahte hain. Hamare jaisa hai, Raipur ja raha hai. Kuch karo” ( you guys just want some goodies. The poor fellow has worked hard to bring some presents home and you good-for-nothings want to take it away? Hey people, he is like any of us, going to Raipur. Do something)
”Acchha Raipur Ja raha hai? Phir toh kuch karna hoga” ( He is going to Raipur, is he? Then let’s do something)
A group advances daring the RPF trainees. The train pulls in Kalyan outer. The two get off and disappear into darkness”
”Shukriya mayi”, Abdul salim says, eyes all wet. “ Main toh dar gaya tha” (Thank You, Mother. I was really frightened)

Accident Prone Kilometre

2010-08-11T22:58:00.001-07:00

Driving down the National Highways of India, you get to see these boards now and then. Usually you find it near to a busy junction or sharp bend or blind turning the road. Similarly there are some people who can be called accident prone kilometer themselves. Things just happen to them in the most incredulous way, sometimes again and again. Let’s see what happened to Guptaji.

1. Guptaji and wife go to the railway station to receive some relatives. He wears a new kurta. As they stand on the platform, a train just leaves in the opposite direction and someone throws a pack of half eaten idli sambhar on to the platform or say directly onto Guptaji.

2. Guptaji buys a new car and parks it on the street. A coconut falls on a passing truck, gets deflected smashes the front screen.

3. Guptaji is going to home town by train. He has got himself a top berth so that he may sleep whenever he wishes to. In wee hours of morning, Guptaji tries to get down and discovers that someone had left the turkey towel to dry on the ladder. He jumps and promptly lands on to a fruit knife in open bag below.

4. Guptaji takes a holiday to Kerala. He is happy to see the greenery and fresh air and rolls down the windows of the taxi a take a fresh breath and gets splattered with puke. Someone has put his head out of the window to do so on the bus the taxi is overtaking.

5. Guptaji goes to enquire what the commotion is about in the marketplace. It seems a thief is being given the thrashing. And when the crowd wants to know who the accomplice is, he points to Guptaji and …

6. Guptaji comes home late after a party, changes clothes and goes off to sleep. In the morning, he goes to answer the doorbell and gets a queer look from milkman. He has his wife’s kurta on( all floral prints).

7. Guptaji( I.K Gupta) is a candidate at club election. And all the votes intended for him goes to L.K Gupta because the “L’ was written as ‘l’.

8. Guptaji’s Patient health card is borrowed by brother to avail free medical checkup and he eventually develops complications and dies. The PSU records now consider Gupta dead though he is very much alive. If he told the truth, he will be taken to court and his family will not get even a penny as compensation.

Celebrating 50

2010-08-04T06:03:00.000-07:00

This is my 50th post and I would like to celebrate by giving away the Magic Blog award to some fellow bloggers. I like to read these blogs for various reasons. I like:
Insignia for her observations
Neha for her analysis
Aparna for her ruminations
Bikram for his takes on life, situations and customs
silverine for her humour
Destiny's Child for her wide angles and narrow escapes
RGB for her perfection
Karthik for his gift of writing
Anil Kurup for his quests
BK Chowla for his efforts for India
Kavita for information
wise donkey for her intense posts
Tomz for his out of the box posts
Swantantra for her simplicity
Shilpa for her variety posts
Lazy Pineapple for her humour and truthfulness
Sujata for anecdotes & Travelogues
Sana for her pure thoughts
Samvedna for her peaceful views

Comparing Notes

2010-08-02T00:16:00.000-07:00

“Hello, we’re planning a get together. Come along. We can relive the good old times”, boomed Mr. Achuthan from the other end.

“Why not? Who else is coming”, asked Dad.

“Oh! The Menons, the Arvindakshans, the Nalinakshans, The Sudhakarans and the Surendrans.”

“ And Hemachandran?”

“ No. His mother in law is not doing fine.”

“Let me call him up”

Before I go further, this presumed get together was for some retired fellows most of them free with kids married and settled in far off places within India or in some foreign country.

“ Hello, Hemachandran? Ah! Why are you not coming over for the get together? You ask your brother in law to manage for a day, no?”

“Eeek! Should one bother?”

“Bother about what?”

“ What can we do? A pack of oldies who can’t drink or smoke or eat their fill? Compare notes on how much sugar one has or pressure? Or talk about the pains and aches? Iam not coming!”

Dad broke out laughing.

How do you feel when….

2010-07-27T03:34:00.000-07:00

1. At a club party, one of your friends asks you, “Why are your eyes in such a hollow?” And before you can recover, the other one helps out, “Oh! It runs in their family. All of them have sunken eyes!”
Harishchandras as friends is dicey

2. Two weeks after Grandma dies, someone asks you” Amoomayude aavashyam kazhino?” which translates to “Is Grandma’s need over?”
Aavashyam in local language means rites

3. The child is calling you “Dusthi” for not allowing to watch TV and your sister corrects the child, “You should not say that. It is Dustha, not Dushti for woman”
Your sister is studying to be a teacher

4. When you open the door to the newspaper agent expecting to get the bill and all he says is” Cheyathu Upakaramkalluke nanni”( Thanks for all help) and disappears
You helped him get a gas connection a month ago.

5. You had pain and think you have a kidney stone and consult the urologist who tells you that you are dreaming things
A week later, he confirms the analysis of a stone

6. Guests just asks the kids, “How are you at studies”. The smart elder one immediately says,” He(pointing to younger brother) is a outstanding student, stands outside all the while”. Not to be outdone, younger one adds,”He gets zero out of zero”
You get consoling glances from guests.

7. At the zoo, you see a bleeding man( hand almost torn apart) being rushed to hospital. When you make enquiries, you are told – “Sardarji Bhaloo se haath milane gaye the” (Sardar went to shake hands with the bear)

In search of roots

2010-07-19T01:34:00.000-07:00

Grandma died. After 16 days, the official mourning period, they brought in an astrologer. A learned man, he was said to be very correct in his readings of what the stars had to foretell. About the time of grandma’s death, he said it was auspicious. So everyone was relieved that she was directly passage to the heavens with no hanging around Earth’s atmosphere. Then he said ominously, “But I see displeased Gods.”

“But it can’t be”, said the aunt who spent hundreds on different offerings every month

“I see it clear. You have not prayed well to your family deity for long”

“But we offer prayers to the deity in our hometown.”

“That is not your family deity. It is a Goddess – a form of Kali”, went on the astrologer

Questioning glances went around. None knew of a Goddess. Finally a distant uncle said that he offered prayer to a local goddess near his house.

“Not that. This is somewhere south near the sea. A famous Shiv temple is close by”

This was not particularly helpful with Kerala’s long coastline and innumerable backwaters. And the fact that most temples dedicated to a Goddess had a Shiv temple close by, wasn’t making things simpler.

“What were your forefathers?”, was the next query from the astrologer.

“Farmers. One grand uncle was a doctor(GP). Few teachers….”

“Can’t be. This goddess has been revered by warriors. You must be from warrior clan”

Whispers went around. “Psst..Maybe true. Have you noticed that the east house has those huge aunts and uncles with bushy eyebrows. Pssst…..Iam afraid of them”. “Yesss…me too”, added another low tone.

The eldest aunt who had been keeping quiet all the while finally spoke, “I remember my granny telling me something about… the family had come from somewhere else…that her grandma had fled their place fearing wrath of king…they came by boats during night…they had their valuables in little bundles…then they were given asylum by local families in new place”

Another round of whispers. “Wrath of king…my, my. What would they have done?”

“Try to find the place and offer prayers to please the Goddess”, advised the astrologer before he wrapped up the session.

“Give us some more clues. How far south?”, pleaded everyone.
“Farther south than Cochin”
“That south?...Oh No! Now we can’t make fun of Southern dialect and accent”, moaned a cousin and immediately got all kinds of glances.

Then ensued a long round of discussions. The problem at hand threw up all kinds of conditions. There was set of eager people who were intrigued and wanted to delve further into the mystery. Another set were looking up train charts to book tickets back to workplace. They cared least about the mystery. Yet another set wanted to have a second opinion and not believe the astrologer. A couple who were yet childless wanted to find the place fast and offer prayers to the goddess and kids were planning how to have a picnic to the place once they found it out.

Finally the challenge was taken up by my uncle and elder cousin. Uncle was in Kerala Police and so he did the first round of investigations.

While on a duty to Cochin once, he spotted a bus by the family name. He made enquires at the RTO and found it to be registered to a Christian family in Ernakulam town. He went to their place and told them the story. They said that they too have heard that they came from south and were converted about 300 years ago. So that drew a blank.

Time passed. About a year after, uncle came to know of a place in Alappuzha district (Alleppey) which resembled the family name. But it was on an island and you had to get ferried across and the vehicles can get across only twice a day. So, uncle and cousin got on a boat to the island. They got talking to people and asked about their destination. Many knew the place.

“Yes. I live near it. I pray at the temple everyday. There is a school also by the same name.”

“Any branches of family by the name living there?”

“None I know of”.

“Why is the school, temple and place itself named so?”

“Don’t know. Maybe you can contact the most knowledgeable person in the area – a writer. But…”He hesitated

“What but…”

“He is a muslim”
“Oh. That’s all. No problem.”

And they got down on the island and took auto to the place. And indeed amidst milky white sands stood a little temple. They went inside and invited questioning glances. They told the story and the priest, a young chap listened but he was new to the area and didn’t much about local history. The temple seemed to be not very rich. Simple people around didn’t much to make as offerings. The school too bore the name. They asked few questions about other ancient families in the neighbourhood. None resembled our family name.

Then they went in search of the writer. They were welcomed and given food. The locality did not have any great hotels. The famished duo ate thankfully. When the writer listened to the story, he was ready to help in whatever way. They met a really old man who recollected hearing the name of the household but could not add much.

And the next vacation we came down to join a bus load of family members who were going to see the Goddess. We started early and reached the place by 10.30am. About 50 of us were treated to fresh juices by the writer’s family. The household had five members- the writer’s mom, wife and two sons. They were such nice people. They had prepared a vegetarian meal for all of us after we were back from the temple. And to ensure that we felt at home, they had not prepared any nonvegetarian dishes that day even for themselves. Their love was the best thing we discovered, even better than the small temple we could call our own. They still invite my uncle and cousin for their family celebrations – like weddings and they too invited them to weddings, naming ceremony of children etc.

The trip widened our views on people. We started to have more respect for other religions and understood that the thought that the best people lived only north of Ernakulam was meaningless. Now the family has many more relatives from south of Ernakulam.

And, for the first time in life, I saw the white sands of Alappuzha. It’s just unimaginably white. Walking on the sands to an ancient temple that has drawn us from afar was an experience that could not be put into words.

Couple of years later, my cousin’s husband was posted in Alleppey and they did further research and discovered the remains of foundations of a big house that was razed to the ground by the king for the fault that a member of the family who was a respected chieftain fell in love with the princess and married her against his wishes. But his razing down did not raze down the family. The name survived in temple, and temple of learning. The descendants survived and flourished in a different land and came back to find their roots.

Lama Revealed

2010-07-13T01:15:00.000-07:00

It has been a year since I started blogging. Novice writer was the one who led me to it. I started out with a invocation to success. And I have tasted more than that here with blog buddies. I feel happy to blog and meet up interesting people, viewpoints and comments.

Thank You All.

Here are some pics of family characters who appear in the blog.

Self, Bumbum & Boozy, Hubbydear

Spreading the Cheer

2010-07-11T22:14:00.000-07:00

There is a State Beverages Corporation outlet right across our office. The outlet has a long queue of most well behaved customers. They are pillars of patience. They wait in burning Sun, pouring rain, closing dusk for their share of bottles for the day. They always have short change and never push in queue. And if there is a holiday or hartal round the corner, they stock up to last the difficult times.

And the just on the footpath by the road is a Chilly Baji, Pakodas, bondas cart which opens at 4pm and does brisk business till the BEVCO outlet is open. Run by a couple, many vouch for the tasty fare they have.

RGB and myself had tasted the chilly bajis and agreed with all and sundry that it was the best we ever had. So, when the monsoons got active, we wanted to have the bajis. We peeped through the window- No cart, No BEVCO. Why, we wonder and like our brethren, we wait for next day. Same scene- No BEVCO, no cart.

RGB is more solid material. I could not take it. My left chest started to ache. To make sure twice over, I went to the balcony leading fire escape and looked for the magic cart. But Alas! No such wonderful sight. Two guys on a bike were also surprised to find BEVCO closed. That made three broken hearts.

As I was walking in from the balcony, I passed the cabin of our office administrator. A man in late forties, he was a dedicated worker. Few spoke to him unless necessary. He seemed to be tense about some job and was sitting looking down, cradling his head in his hands, one of them holding his specs.

I entered the cabin and asked, “Boban Sir?”
“Huh?”, he said looking up bewildered
“The Beverages shop…Why is it not open?”
His lips broke into a smile,”Why? You needed something?”
“Yes”
“Eh?”, he asked amusedly
“ The baji cart is not open. We wanted bajis. No BEVCO. No Cart”
“Oh”, he was laughing relieved and continued. “Don’t know…BEVCO has been closed for two days”

I walked back to my place having spread the cheer.

Teaching session

2010-07-06T01:20:00.000-07:00

After a long day at the office, I waddle in home.

“I have a hindi test tomorrow”, says the younger kid all of seven.

“Ok I take a shower and then we will sit together. Learn on your own till then”

After a shower and tea, I ask him to bring the notebook

“Have you learnt?’

“Yes.”

“Ok Let’s see. What’s meaning of mahal?”

A film buff, he adjusted his hair filmy style and replies, “Poverty”

“What?” I burst out laughing. He looks comic with his antics and one tooth in front surrounded by gaps.

“Now, Read it first and then I’ll ask”

He skims it in a minute and returns the book saying, ‘You ask. I’ll answer all of them”

“Ok What’s the meaning of mahal?”
“Palace”, he pipes up

“Garibi?”

“I know that “, says he striking a pose. “Condition”.

“Look bumbum, this is no time for fun. Learn it well”

“Ok”and skims through again.

“This time if you don’t answer, I’m going to beat you,” I say making an angry face.

“Garibi?”
“Poverty”
Right. “Mahal?”
“Palace”
Good. “Halat?”

He thinks a while. He doesn’t know

Then
“I’m going to say now. I’m going to say now. I’m going to say now.”

“Say it then”

“I’m going to say now.”

“I’m listening”, I say loosing my patience

“I’m going to say now (pause) I’m going…”

And he was gone. Out of the room.

Now, whom do I teach?

Management of Change

2010-06-30T23:35:00.000-07:00

{This post was originally published in the blog overcuppacopy.blogspot.com. That blog members were in the same workplace, and now are in different places except Expresso aka RGB ofhttp://zingthing.blogspot.com/ and myself aka KK in the same place. We form the creative team to a web and sofware solutions firm in Kochi. Cappuccino is Destiny's child of http://destinyschildsspace.blogspot.com/ and Latte aka Novice writer ofhttp://a-dream-diary.blogspot.com/ }

"Change is inevitable. Your strength and ability lies in adapting and assimilating as much as you can and delivering according to the changed needs", went on the management guru.

The company had arranged a management class for us. And this exceptional talk was in the post lunch session. Dozing off was not possible because it was a small room and there were only about ten of us from the creative division.

“ We are in the service industry and we can survive only if we meet the customer’s demands. Customer satisfaction is a must”, he droned on.

I was just thinking the type of writing that is expected of us sometimes and how we dread to stoop to that standards. But the next day at office, everyone was game to giving it a try- to change.

So we decided to make a change in our spoken English first and then carry it forward to our written English.

Espresso: let’s in the do.

Latte: yes yes

Cappucino: Change is in the us

Myself :My head is in the circle

Espresso: What?

Myself: My head is in the circle

Cappucino leans over to read something on my desktop and: She is in circle and Iam in the runs

Latte(giggling): Sheesh. You in the go there.

Espresso: Me going meeting moron

Myself: me the thirsty

Suze floats in. “Is that interface ready?”, she asks

We blink. We don’t understand.

She asks again.

She hasn’t changed. The management class has not affected her.

“Tell me when it is ready” and drifts off again

Cappuccino looks at the time, “ Oh no. I see butt of bus”

Myself offers, “ Iam the droppings”
And then corrects, “ Iam in the dropping”

What do you suggest? Is change good?

It happened to me

2010-06-24T22:14:00.000-07:00

I had been putting some things for later for a long while. Travelling to the city centre in morning rush hour was a bit tedious. Finally I thought of doing those. It included the following jobs:
1. A visit to the bank
2. Try to find a book store in south of city for a pocket dictionary for bumbum.
3. Get some ayurvedic medicines
4. Get some fresh pappadams
5. Mend Bumbum’s old umbrella as he broke the brand new one beyond repair.

So, I started earlier than usual at about 9.00am. First stop the umbrella mending guy at wayside.
“He is on long leave”, said his mate, the cobbler.
OKayyy. I gunned my mean machine ( Scooty pep+) to life and vrooom

By 9.40 am I was at the bank’s front gate. The guard smiled wanly. It opened at 10.00a.m. I asked him, “Is there a place nearby to mend umbrellas?”
“Don’t know”

Since there was nothing else to do, I started walking down the road. Let me just tell you exactly how I was: Attire – a kurti and jeans with white jootis with phoolkari type work. A 4 yr bag with faulty zip and awning mouth slung on shoulder. A red kid’s umbrella in hand.

The book store had put the shutters only half up. I got inside and immediately asked the first guy
“Bhargava’s Hindi English pocket dictionary?”
“Eh!”, said he looking at the raised umbrella.
I forgot I was holding it while speaking
I repeated my question
“Sorry, we don’t stock Bhargava.”
Next I asked my favourite question, “Is there a place nearby to mend an umbrella”
That guy looked at the manager for help to answer nerds like me, who volunteered, “You can find one near the theatre up ahead”
So I trudged ahead and found the guy.
“ I mend shoes, no umbrellas. There’s one next junction”

9.55am
Five minutes to go
“Ok let’s find if we can mend the umbrella”, I told my legs which are not used to walking.
The next junction had a lone lottery seller. Someone was buying a ticket to try luck for the day.
“ Where’s the mending guy?”, I asked
“Oh! He won’t be coming today”
I almost wanted to buy a lottery ticket where the prize was ‘Umbrella mender’. I glanced at the tickets and decided to walk back to the bank.

Bank job done, I went in search of H& C stores for the pocket dictionary. With directions from various people on the road, I got to the complex where it was housed. Next problem, 'where are the stairs up.'
I asked a guy who was sweeping the front of his shop, “Where is this H& C stores”
“Don’t know”, trying to be cold and distant.
So I parked right in front of his store and he gave a questioning look and got a cold distant stare from me.

The next guy showed the way. I trudged up the steps and the moment I started my question” Bhargava’s..”
“ Sorry, stock over”
“ But I called and someone said you had two versions. I come from the suburbs”
“ Sorry. New stock will arrive in two weeks”
“OK can you at least ask your branch in suburb to stock them?”
“Will do”
Thank You

I wanted to give our sweeping friend one more cold stare. But he wasn’t there.

Next stop: Ayurveda shop
It was strarting to drizzle. I got off the sccoty and ran to the shop window with helmet on. Inside, two old timers are having an interesting discussion on carnatic music. They felt disturbed.

I said apologetically, “A bottle of Vyoshamritham and Vasharistham mixed 50-50”.
“Tana, naa,na Haan”, said the animated old timer. The other got up to leave.
“ In ancient Bharata, women were devis. And they had crowns on heads”, the old guy continued pointing to a badge of Sri Ram and Sita on his chest. “ And now”, he continued.
“ They have helmets on”, I offered taking off the helmet.
“Hmmm.” “Do you know when this was?”
I stared clueless.
“About 5000 years ago, when Bharata was a great civilization”
“Oh! No. He’s still on that devi crown saga. He may lecture about wearing sindoor on forehead too. How to scoot fast?” My brains were working overtime.
“Make it a bottle of each. I can mix it at home and use it longer”
“OK”
And he gave me the medicines.

Now it was my turn to surprise.
“Any umbrella mender around here?”
“Eh?”
I gathered my stuff, paid him and went my way. Next time I shop there, I go with a crown on my head.

First tag reply

2010-06-23T23:09:00.000-07:00

I never understood tags. I have been tagged quite a few times but I did not respond. Since Bik of http://mann-bikram.blogspot.com/ seems to be a bit too , I reply partly to his tag.

1. What one material thing are you hoping/ scoping to inherit? Ancestral home
2. If You were a character in a movie that you've seen who would I be and why? Saif Ali Khan in Dil Chahta Hai( you seem to be in and out of relationships;))
3. If You could do one thing for Someone, no matter what it was, what would it be for Who? I could have mobilised money for my neighbourhood kid for better treatment( long ago)
4. You’re driving. It’s great weather. Attractive member of opposite sex in expensive car looks at you and half-smiles. You’re in a relationship. Do you return the look and half-smile back? I smile back. Hasne ka tax nahi lagta
5.Pick a situation a. You’re 42. Would you rather go without sex for three years and win a lottery after that, enabling you to never have to work again? Orb. Get twice the lottery money now (at 42) but have your partner sleep with your boss?
a since i can't make a decision about whom my partner sleeps with
6. What has been the craziest thing u have ever done?
Cycle 8 kms at dawn to replace a gadget before anyone knew that it went kaput
7. God gave u chance to alter any one event in the past, present or future. What wud that event be?
Past- no Bopal gas tragedy. Present - No oil spill. Future - The boss stops the banter on recession for not giving a raise
8. Would you rather go bald or lose your front tooth?
front tooth. Can have a dental implant. Bald women aren't interesting especially if they have misshapen heads
9. Your sibling is sleeping with your married close friend. Who do you go to first, sibling or married close friend?
Neither. It'll be too much
10. Would you rather your kid turn out to be a nymphomaniac or gay?(For my amusement, please answer in the format: I would rather my kid be —) Spare me!!!!!!!

Any who love this tagging game can take it up.

A foreigner’s view of Indian weddings

2010-06-14T23:19:00.000-07:00

This is a first hand account of what they feel attending Indian weddings:

"My, my, do you always have so many guests to the wedding!"
"Why do you have so many lamps? What do they signify?"
"And why are going round in circles onstage?"
"And does the bride wear all that gold later too?"
"Why does the couple look so glum? They are not smiling much."
"What? Can’t listen with music…"( nadaswaram in background)
"Don’t you guys dance. Your films show so much dance and song."
"No thank You. I can eat with my fingers"( on being offered a spoon)
Seeing everyone leaving after feast, "Is that all?!"
Snapping away the pics of dining hall after feast,"I must show everything folks back home"

I request each of you to write something about each:D

Some memories

2010-06-09T21:56:00.000-07:00

Vacations at grandma’s place was fun. Mom had five siblings. We were 14 cousins in all with the oldest being about 23 years older than the youngest. That means you have all age groups. The mid eighties is what I remember most. Kerala then was known for power cuts and monsoons came sooner. My vacations started in April and by end of first week, we were in Kerala till mid June as school reopened in July. Sometimes, dad too managed leave or it was just us traveling with other families.

In April, it was hot and humid. But we cared less. We had all sorts of weird games like jumping over fallen banana trees ( high jump) setting it higher each time, Bus games where we just ran behind the fast bus( my cousin clothed in a shorts with two sticks as wipers), playing Tarzan, sliding down the curved sloping wide bannister by the steps, feeding the cows(my short clad cousin would just squeeze milk from the udders directly to mouth), trying the taste of latest cattle feed, having chemmeen puli eating competition and so on. The elders were busy talking, playing cards, playing music on the latest 2-in-1 bought by Gulf uncle. And if Gulf uncle came that year, there was this multitude waiting for their share of goodies which included perfumes, cigarettes, alcohol, and garish lungies, gulf sarees, soaps, talcum powders et al. Grandma will ask the numerous women servant to grind, sieve, powder rice and coconut to make different eatables. Other favourites included banana chips, jaggery coated banana chips, achappam and Jackfruit Jam ( Chakka varatiyathu).

But with sun down, the atmosphere changed a bit. The men might go out or a drink and I was afraid of Gulf uncle who will hold me high up in air(he was 6’3”), once he was on a high. The younger males and my aunts would start singing the Malayalam hits. While some of my elder cousins sang well, others knew the lyrics and so we spent the powerless moon lit nights on terrace. We kids tired after the day’s toil listened to nice songs lying on someone’s laps or on a straw mat. Suddenly some one might draw attention to the glow worm and we would get up to see or pluck the tenderest of mangoes from the overhanging branches of the nearby tree.

By 8.30 pm, grandma will call everyone downstairs. By then, my eldest aunt’s husband, a teacher to astrologer would be there. He will tell all those ghost stories which everyone knew was whims of fancy. Around 9.30 p.m, we will have dinner and youngest of cousins will go off to sleep. Around 10.30 p.m almost everyone is tired of ya-yapping throughout the day. My lazy elder cousin would be picking at her hair for lice, (wonder whether she found any in her life). Her mom will be asking her to take a bath which she wouldn’t be taking till its about midnight.

Suddenly, there will be a thud on the window and a sound like ouuuyiii. Lazy cousin jumps out of her chair.
“Indrakuttyamme”, calls out the voice
“ Ow, Chakunni, why do you scare us so?”

Chakunni is the local grocer who closes the shop at 10 pm and home delivers things he had taken order for in the morning.

“ Da, ithum pidicho( here, hold this too)”, he says thrusting a paper into my aunt’s hand. And rushes off.
“Appo paisa”( what about your money), aunt calls out to the diappearing figure with a torchlight.
“Pinne” ( Later).
But that later is only till next morning.

It’s the bill. It’s something like this
Sa-10
Mupo-7
Cha-30
Pa-17
So-40
U-2.50
Ma- 4
………
110.50

None but my aunt could understand that bill. The miser he is, he saves ink of pen and paper too by making it so brief. And is always uses the backside of notices and handbills to write on.

Sa is savala or Onions, Mupo is mulakkupodi or chilly powder, cha- is chai or tea, pa is panjasara or sugar, so is soap, u is uppu or salt, ma is mathangna or pumpkin.

I have never seen that guy walk, always on a run like the industrious ant On the local palli perunal ( feast at church), he will wear a shirt and on Christmas and Easter and weddings. In any other season, he had only the lungi on and torch as accessory. He worked on the day he died too. Died in sleep.

Maybe we can learn a lesson or two from him. HE NEVER WASTED ANYTHING OR A MOMENT. His effort led to his children being like him. They worked their way up. Only one remained in village to look after his dad’s shop, but has another business interest too- timber trade.

History through Textbooks

2010-05-31T21:38:00.000-07:00

The holiday homework for my elder son included learning two poems- one in English and another in Hindi. I searched the web and found him some poems to choose from. And he said he found the Hindi poem a bit too difficult. It was the weekend before the school reopening. The kids and I had gone to my parents place for the weekend. With no net connection, I had no choice but search the bookshelves. Being an old house, there were many books to look through. And I came upon this book on geography published in 1916 and used by my grandfather in Form II.

Hardbound, it was published Longman. The pages were smooth. The book had changed many hands. Grandpa’s younger sisters had read it and so had my dad’s elder brother. My curiosity of how they wrote about regions and people then made me read it here and there. It was a simpler world then on the map. Large unified regions were marked as British Empire, Chinese Empire, Japanese Empire, Persia and Africa. Europe looked different, Middle east and Africa were totally unrecognizable. India looked different with Madras presidency, Bombay Presidency, Calcutta Presidency, Gwalior, Travancore Cochin etc. So much had happened in the last 100 years.

Somewhere between the pages, it was written that the Zulus of south Africa were war like earlier and now( around 1911 when the book was edited) had become law abiding peaceful people( Does that mean some bad leadership allowed the tribe to lose its identity to British occupation?). And that the British had difficulty to control slave trade( human trafficking) done by Arabs off the coast of Africa(Can you believe that?). Another important factor while describing a country was the fact whether it had trains. Maybe trains were the symbol then that modern age had arrived in that country.

The written word, a textbook can so mould a person’s thinking. No wonder governments try to frame minds through these. What are the text books of future going to look like? How will be the world after another 100 years?

A risky job

2010-05-18T03:35:00.000-07:00

Come vacations and one team is working overtime – the thieves in the neighbourhood. Their work has to be meticulously planned taking in so many factors – when the wife and kids of a house go visiting relatives, when the guy hangs out late celebrating, when the old couple are leaving for pilgrimage, which guests have to go to church on wedding eve etc etc. But as it is, sometimes calculations don’t work and sometimes its too easy to be called a risky job. Here are few real instances. Read them to have a ringside view of things.

Broad Daylight – Mr. Warrier is seated in living room with the door wide open. Thief walks in and walks out with brand new music system. Stammering Warrier tries to shout but could manage only de, de, wh, wha, hey, hey….
In dead of night, the women of the house hear a loud thud in kitchen. Cautiously, they venture to check out. They switch the lights on. A guy is lying face down. He is dead.
The owner of the house arrives in the wee hours of morning, called to duty early on. He finds two guys who have packed almost anything valuable and are sleeping like babies beside the loot. As they get socked, one thief manages, “ Par, sahib. Aap to raat waali gaadi se aane wale the”( But sir, you were to come by the night train)
A proud father of five grown up sons was always laughing at the stories of local burgularies and said,” None would dare to burgle my house”. And his house was burgled soon- seems that each lazy son thought it was one of family making noise and didn’t care to check out.
The petty thief had jumped into the courtyard to pick some things lying around and was stunned by the scene of the young girl taking an open air bath in the moonlit yard. She sees him after a while and pours water on him, but the poor guy is totally lost and recovers only after she disappears from scene.
The thief gets into house being constructed( in finishing stages). While he is in, the owner comes to show the work progress to friends. He tries getting out through the exhaust hole in kitchen and gets stuck.
A new sofa set was taken off by pair of enterprising thieves from a housing complex. They signed at the entrance and told the security that the sofa set had to be changed as wrong colour was delivered.
A solitary lean old fellow manages to scare of a couple of thieves as he charges towards them- the dhoti fast leaving him.

The feeling of Oneness

2010-05-14T04:39:00.000-07:00

The feeling of being one with the Universe, being part of whole Nature, knowing your little stature is perhaps best brought about by the magnificence of Nature as in High mountains, gurgling rivers, the vast seas, the expanses of desert. It just helps us to understand that we are a mere drop in the ocean. Here are few snaps which helped to puncture that bloated ego, that useless sense of 'this is mine' and so on.

On way to Badrinath

Waiting for your turn, Kanyakumari

Wagamon, Kerala

A time in future

2010-04-29T23:36:00.001-07:00

Society evolves. What we vouch by today is not accepted tomorrow. Change is continuous. So, we see some definitions change.

Definition of family: Parents and children make the family. But the hitch is, it is no longer compulsory that you must have a father and mother. It can be mother-mother or father- father duo taking care of children, biological, surrogate or otherwise

Definition of marriage: A prolonged live in relationship that stumbled into a certificate session

Definition of a Classroom: Has students who have never appeared in person in front of teacher. The teacher is at least 1000 miles away blinking away sleep as he/ she is in another time zone.

Definition of a vegetable: A variety of a species genetically engineered to grow in colder climates unlike its natural origins of growing in a tropical climate.

Definition of Keeping track: Inject the kids with a chip so that you may track them in a radius of few kilometers.

Definition of higher growth for developing countries: Cultivate single crop that you have no use of, make MNCs buy it and use the money to buy the food you need that has originally been grown by your neighbour, exported to a foreign nation and imported into the country and sold at a higher price.

And discover at the end of it that we are living a life much akin to children playing train. Wee go around in circles and find that time is kind of constant. Past, present and future are just our way of relating to it.

To catch a thief

2010-04-21T02:47:00.000-07:00

The day dawned as any other morning. After the usual hullabaloo I create while getting ready to work, I jumped onto my scooty and rode out of the porch. Hubby dear was there to see me off as he went to office only about 11a.m.
“ Hey”, said he pointing to the drainage canal in front of house. Through the yawning where the slabs weren’t there, he could see two small crow bars.
“Look, thief’s tools”
“Where?”, asked I putting on the brakes.
“Here.”
“Where?”, I asked again craning my neck
“You get off that or bring it closer”
I tried to push the scooty to edge and almost ended up in the drains
“OK, you continue your investigation. I am off”, and I rode off

I returned home early the day. I was already into my home wear when I heard hubby pulling up his car outside. The boys too came in at the same time from play. So, I got busy pushing them into shower. Ten minutes had passed and hubby had not walked in. I went out to investigate.

There was small crowd gathered at the neighbour’s gate. Hubby’s wrinkle free trousers were stainful- seems he had jumped into the dry drain( thankfully of rainwater) to pick the crowbars. The neighbour who lived alone held them in his hands. Real beauties, they were. Fashioned to prick and open any heavy door with minimum effort. Everyone was super excited. The ideas of who left it, when and will the thief be back to pick them up….topics of animated conversations were many.

One guy came up with the suggestion, “Let’s wait and keep watch and when he comes, we flash torchlight to his face!”
“And catch him” , added another
“ No. no.”, the first guy continued. “See, when we flash light, he will run and we will be able to recognize him, later when the police catch him”
And so on went the intelligentsia.

The boys too were there at the boundary wall listening to this major problems adults had.
Soon, they too were ready for the thief, armed with cricket bats.
Bumbum even had a tune on lips,
“Oh, yeah,
The thief is appeared”(excuse his grammar)

“ Let’s inform the police”
“No good” said another
“We keep watch. The thief will come today to make the attempt”, said the enlightened husband.
“OK. That seems the best idea” and the crowd dispersed. The crowbars were in safe custody of neighbour. Hubby came in for shower and tea. He did not want any snack as important things were to be discussed for the night.

I thought of renaming the junction as dumbo junction. Did these people really think that the thieves will show up after all that commotion they had created? And what’s more, hubby went to the nearby bakery which sends out flash news just to spread the word. With that action, the thief could no longer be unaware.

Meanwhile we had two small power breaks. And then we had dinner and watched TV. After the enthusiastic kids were asleep, hubby dear was ready with his counterpart- our neighbour. And they kept watch till 3 am. I checked once a while till 1.15am and after that slept like a log.

Next morning, hubby misses gym, sleeps late, is in a bad mood. Anyway, he has to go to school to collect books. As he gets out, the police jeep arrives. The neighbour hands over the tools. The police examine them, ask few question, throw it in the jeep and speed away. I take the nylon rope ( to tie the thief to the electric post), kept on the water meter, inside.

What a tight spot!

2010-04-09T02:46:00.000-07:00

Tell your foreign photographer friend about an Indian festival and call him/her over for it. As they plan in advance, tell them a rough date to book and when they have done so, tell them 15 days before travel that the festival is already on and they missed it.
Open the door to see a man with a polythene bag and tell him ‘Sorry, we don’t give alms’ and discover he is courier delivery boy.
Give the maid few pieces of marinated fish and she discovers that they are pieces of jaggery you put in the deep freeze long ago.
Take some friends to distant national park of which you have read about and find that the park is closed for the mating season.
Tell a joke about squint eyes to a girl in goggles and discover….
Hearing your cousin from Hyderabad speak, say “What a difficult language Telugu is!” And he tells you that they just spoke English.
Tell a neighbour, just to make them happy that you love their regional cooking and be invited over for a meal where you can’t eat a morsel.
Have a tenant who has a dog named after your nick name. Each time he calls out, both man and animal show up.
Draped in saree, you discover half way into the party that the most important pin has slipped off and the saree is giving away and that chattering aunt doesn’t let you go and introduces to all Tom, Dick and Harry(groom hopefuls)
Visit a relative and tell them your kid doesn’t like bananas and the two year old has at least three.

Lessons from a seven year old

2010-03-23T02:52:00.000-07:00

Q March is the ………month of the year.
A. Tenth( He is born in May)
Lesson: Think different

Q Spell empty
A. MT
Lesson: Go to phonetics class

Q. Why have you written tail for picture of fish?
A. Look, the tail is bigger.
Lesson: Believe what you see

Q. Why haven’t you coloured the whole grass green?
A. That cow ate some of it.
Lesson: The past is always there

Q. Why have you written dense mountain?
A You taught me the new word dense as in dense forest, remember?
Lesson: Try innovation

Q. Why should I buy you two comics?
A. Becoz cousin got two
Q. But have you got same grades as he has? He has all A and A+.
A. So what, I have A+, A, B+, B and even C
Lesson: Don’t argue with a 7 year old

S.O.S

2010-03-14T22:06:00.000-07:00

How longer sanity
Insanity I wish Thee
Come to my rescue
As I need to flee

Belief and confidence at the nadir
I’m becoming more skeptical by the day
I wish I smiled from heart
Can’t take trust breached again

I wish to smile
To speak, to share thoughts
Can you help today
Or is it again nay say

If the cord with present broke
And they called me mad
Left me alone
In a world that is mine

Ye, Gods
I look to the Heavens above
And beseech your favour
For life to bloom again.

Guesses on what might have caused the lines are welcome

Girl to Woman

2010-03-07T23:10:00.000-08:00

As little girls, they want to grow hair long. Once they grow, they want it short.

As girls, they like coochi cooing and holding babies. Once they become mothers, they want others to hold the baby.

As little girls, they want to wear what mama wears at parties, sarees, ethnic wear and stuff, at teenage they want to wear what brothers wear and finally end up wearing Jeans with ethnic tops.

At teenage, they think “why do these women go to beauty parlours’, by twenties they frequent at least four times a year and by thirties, they go every month.

At 15, always ready to call someone in early thirties aunty, they are shocked when called same at 30.

As girls they join the family to criticize mom’s cooking and when their turn comes start fuming about it. And miss their mom’s cooking.

When young and before marriage, they adjust real well anywhere. Then something just changes. At their parents’ home they are always complaining.

And at 15 most have a beautiful kamar ( a beautiful waistline), by 40 most have it as big as a kamara(room)

And through life, they always say, “Actually Papa/bhaiyya/ mummy/ didi/ boss/senior/woh/ beta/beti told me not to” about things they don’t want to do.

Always leads to another

2010-02-28T21:39:00.001-08:00

“A visit to the dentist always leads to another,” friends had warned.
And here I was for my second visit a few days later. As my readers might remember I was sent off on a mission to get my X-rays washed. That mission was accomplished with the help of two cute nurses and the dentist had cleaned and done the first part of RCT that day itself.

So, the next Wednesday, I slipped out of office by 12.30p.m.This time, I knew the procedure. Walk straight to the room and knock. No response. I discover the door is locked. A passing nurse asked me to wait. The dentist had gone for an early lunch.
Twenty minutes later, I see the dentist walking up the stairs.

“Come on in,” she led me into the consulting room and directed me to that chair.
“Where’s the X-ray?”, she asked the nurse. “How may missed calls?”, she continued to the nurse who plugging the doc’s mobile to charge.

“Antony chetan had called”
“Oh no!, Hope he is not coming back today. Such a dumbhead”
“ Another number…”and she read out mine.
“ Mine” , I volunteered.
“ We’ll need the red, yellow and white”
“The white is the last box we have”

The last two exchanges sounded Greek.
Then she put the X-ray on a stand and asked me open up wide.
The she took something that looked like a drill and compared the length of root. She went on yapping away.

“Yesterday it was Ann’s fancy dress competition. She was dressed like Sakuntala and did she act well. She lay down on the stage writing a letter to the king.. And they asked her to clear off because she overstayed in the position. Boy, was she angry that she could not pluck the thorn off her foot. She had rehearsed it so well”. ( Ann was the doc’s little 4yr old and a regular brat)

“ Where did you get the dress from?”, asked the nurse.
“From that lending place near the railway bridge”
“ And where was your husband then?”
“Oh! Him. He had taken mummy to the ayurveda therapist for a chavitti thirumbu(massage by feet on back)”
“Why?”
“ The scooter accident last month”
“Owww” said I
“ What is it- pain or that funny feel”
“ Funny feel”
“It’s OK. Spit”
“Keep the suction ready”
“ Ah. Where was I? Isn’t it funny that you pay some one to get kicks on back?”, she continued”

Knock. Knock
The nurse moved to the door and opened it.
“ Oh1 Antony chetan”
Doc spins around all smiles. “ What is it?”
“ You said you liked the wallpaper on my mobile. I remembered it half way home. Give me your mobile. I will download it for you.”

This conversation helped me immensely. My jaw dropped and it made working inside easier for doc.

Antony chetan downloaded and went back a happy man, having done his duties.
“ What does he do for a living? Seems like having no job other than rushing squirrels up the trees.”, said she returning to wide open mouth.

Dentist: “Just check if that woman is there. I asked her to have lunch and she said she had carrot juice. Hope she hasn’t swooned”

Nurse peeks out and nods affirmatively. And adds,” she is lying down on the bench”

“Hand me the white ones”, and she pushed that thin conical thing into my cavity.
“ Red, yellow, white again.” This went on for a while. Then they switched of the fan.
“ There, now you have a nice broom inside your mouth to keep it clean” And she showed me the inside of mouth in a mirror. And indeed, the whole box of those things were in my mouth.

And now we burn the extra end off and she put on the mask. Fumes came out my mouth. I forgot to breathe. I shut my eyes. My mouth is on fire.

“Now close you mouth. Perfect. Ok. Done”

A visit to the dentist isn’t that bad after all with all that free entertainment.
On my way out, I saw the frail woman on the bench. I knew she will be alright with this doc and nonstop entertainment.

A visit to the dentist

2010-02-21T23:26:00.000-08:00

The moment you tell someone that you are going to visit the dentist, you get the classic “You poor thing” type of look. Everyone sympathizes. Even the bravest feel a shudder for the ordeal ahead.

But the ache was a bit too much. So I gathered myself and went to the hospital around 12.30p.m. The nun at the window too had toothache or was in a bad mood.
“Is this the time to turn up for morning OP?”
“But…..”
“We close giving further appointments after 12.30p.m”
“I have real bad ache”, I said trying to look like a whimpering kid.
It worked.
“O.K. Just go upstairs and find out if she is willing see you”

And up I went. The paediatric OP was just across on the same floor. So, there were few kids, some crying and I almost wanted to cry out.

After a while, I knocked at the door. A nurse opened it with a questioning glance. I peeked in and smiled at the doc who was good friend of my dear husband. She was in the process of drilling and she just removed the mask, smiled back and asked to wait.

30 mins passed. The nurse came out with many files and gestured me to get inside. I was the last patient. Crying babies and children too had left.

She was getting ready as I waited on that chair remembering the ‘so sorry’ looks of friends and relatives who sympathized with me.
“What’s up?”
“Toothache. Filling fell off some days ago.”
“Let’s see. Pretty nice history. Two fills, one cap, one tooth missing and now two rotten”
“Two?”
“Yeah, two”
I gave a wan smile.
“We’ll have to take an X-ray”

She clipped the films to a handle and asked me to go the X-ray dept and get it washed as if it was the norm. I blinked. She had turned her back already. So, ‘poor me’ trooped off in search of the X-ray dept. It was a difficult condition. Reasons

I had a toothache and so had an awful look on face.
I am not a registered patient so can’t roam around
The sister I met earlier was at the ‘May I help You” counter.
(To be continued....)

Boy to Man

2010-02-14T21:09:00.000-08:00

As boys they love full length trousers and once grow up, they love Bermudas or shorts

Before they grow moustache they shave everyday and when they have one, they forget to shave.

Before late teens, they find girls weird. By 20s they know only women.

Before they learn to drive, they want to drive cars. After 3 or 4 years, they don’t want to do it anymore. If given chance, they will let someone else to drive.

As boys they always want next size for shirts. And then they go for slimfits.

When are learning to use the bike, they offer to do the local shopping for you, once they get the motorbike they are nowhere to be seen.

In the early twenties, they forget to comb the hair and by late twenties and thirties, they comb it real well as they need to cover gaping spaces.

As boys they listen to mom. As men they listen to wives.

Poor things and they call it a man’s world.

Did you Know?

2010-02-02T02:21:00.000-08:00

Change Gender:
Cow x Beef
Dog x Bull Dog

Overheard at Charminar
Oh! They even built a monument to sell cigarettes.

My reckoning of Orkut
Started by a Malayali for nostalgic social networking reason Ormakalude Kootaayama (getogether of memories).

Malayalis contribution to English
Tapioca
The story goes that the Englishman asked the farmer who was digging out the tapioca and “ What are you doing?”
He replied rummaging,”Tappi nokka”(searching)
And soon he showed the tuber and so the tuber was christened Tapioca by the Englishman

Hippopotamus
The malayali servant accompanied the Englishman on an African safari.. They saw the Hippo taking a mud bath. And the Malayali said, “Ippo Pottum”( will burst now)
And the Englishman liked the name, to add effect he added ‘us’.

Cashewnut
The Englishman went to the nut store in Kochi and asked the vendor the rate. The vendor replied “kaashne ettu” ( 8 for a kaash – kaash was the currency then in Kerala). Thus the name Cashewnut.

Tell me about your enlightenment:)

Street17

2010-01-25T01:35:00.000-08:00

It was almost 7pm and we were still playing in the dusk. Hours of play made the shuttle cock look bigger.
Growing up in the steel township of Bhilai has given many memories.

We lived on street 33 then. The triple storey building had 18 units. Usually the light at the stairs was not working and a huge tree grew to envelop the dim lamp post which sent down a small beam of light.

“Babli, come home, Datta aunty called out and bring babloo too”
“Coming, ma”, Babli called out. We hurried to wrap the game.
“Babloo, Babloo”, Babli called out.
“You go. I’ll come later.” He was keeping wicket for the match.
“Oh! It’ll be dark soon, There is no light on the stairs. You’ll be afraid”.
Babloo was about 10 and younger to Babli.
“ Oh No. Iam brave. Iam not afraid of the dark,” he piped up.
“OK. Then just cycle down stree 17 and come back by street 19”, said I.
That did it. He went upstairs with his sister.

Everyone was scared of street 17. Even the elders avoided it. I had cycled down it once in broad daylight and it scared me. Street 17 was long and winding. After the first two blocks, there was an open ground on one side and the street took a blind curve after the ground. At night the street light threw down a golden ring of light. But the huge trees with thick foliage almost blocked it. After the blind turn the street again had rows of blocks on either sides. A large banyan tree stood right in middle of the road. Hindu belief and reverence had let it be there. Someone had started pooja at the small hanuman idol placed under the tree. A small lamp burnt there. It also had a chabootara(platform). This tree was the most ominous, for in the nights, a solitary Baba wrapped in a blanket used to sit and sleep here. He looked almost like Rabindranath Tagore. He towered over six feet and had greying long beard and a huge bump on his forehead which gave him a sinister look. I had never seen him speak. He used to be seen around the market are in the evenings. At the paanwaala, he will just stand there. The paanbhai Kashi gave him a benarasi after some time and he will accept it and move away. I was always intrigued by this person but never had any courage to speak to him. My dad’s friend for some reason, used to called him guruji.

When I was fourteen, I went to friend’s place in the nearby sector and it was almost 6 when I returned. A storm was brewing in the horizon. As I did not have a raincoat, I decided to the short cut through street 17 and take a diagonal cut through the ground to reach street 32. A solitary girl on a cycle had given ideas to some rogue and he started following me on the cycle. I regretted my decision. There was no one on the road to call for help. I cycled as fast as I could. It was now dark and large droplets started to fall. I took the blind curve and the banyan tree in front of me looked real scary with the branches whistling in the wind. With prayers on my lips, I cycled past the small mandir. As soon as I sped by, Baba came out and stood right on the road. The rogue was scared and retreated. I went home and related the incident.
“He knows you right from the days you were a small child”, Dad said
“Who is he?”, I asked
“ He was a Professor at the University. You might have heard Chaubey uncle refer to him as Guruji”
“Then….Why is he like this?”
“His family broke up. He could not take it”, replied Dad in a final voice.
I wanted to ask more but kept restraint.

There are still things I never knew.

Mission 22

2010-01-18T03:17:00.000-08:00

Mission: Shopping for a badminton racquet and partywear for the family
Time: to reach the shopping district by 7p.m
Hurdle: choc-a-bloc traffic at Christmas time
Distance to be covered: 8 kms
Vehicle: Verna
Team: Whole family- Parents, hubby, two kids and self
Weapons: Speed, Debit card

Unexpected problem: At 6.00p.m. No one is dressed. Kids have gone out to play. Father has gone for bhajan. Mother is complaining and no sign of Hubby.

Booom. The short temper is let loose. Lessons for mother to get the boys ready in time are dished out. Have a shower, change, go searching for boys. One found in the park nearby, another in the ground about 250 m away. Send them home back on the cycle, ask them to shower and dress as quickly as possible. I walk back to find elder wait for the lemonade to refresh him. Grandma is making it for him.
“You shameless fool. Didn’t I ask you to be ready at 6.pm? Do you want to go?”
“But… lemonade. Have to rest after play”
“How long did you play - half an hour? Scoot and take a shower”
“Now, where’s your dad?”
“Upstairs, getting ready’, volunteers mum.
“And my dad? Why did he have to go for the bhajan today?”
“ It’s OK. He will join us in the town”
“ OK . Call him”
“ I don’t know the number.”
“ You find yourself. It’s a shame you don’t know his number after all these years”

Mum puts on her specs and searches in the phonebook and she is unable to locate it for full 10 minutes. My last ounce of patience is disappearing fast.

We set out on Mission 22. Hubby dear sets the traffic laws. Overtake from left, almost kill the pedestrian, set rocket scientist to shame with precision driving ( read missing the buses and trucks by a micro millimeter). Thank goodness many buses have Gods images plastered on the rear side. So we sent our silent prayers to St. Antony, Jesus Christ, Lord Shiva, Ganesha, Sree Krishna, Virgin Mary and Allah as represented in the words from Quran. And some of them were in office and doing their jobs properly. We reached town in one piece with no dents.

Target 1: Sports goods store
Difficulty: On Main Road. No Parking space

Another rule made. Park in No Parking zone. Reason. No cops seen.
Enter shop. Elder son, boozy, starts selecting.
“Rush,” I say
“Yonex, is the preferred one,” says shop assistant
“OK . Buy Yonex. ”
“Ashwin has Ashway. His mom is a State player”
“Do you have Ashway? ”
“Yes. Two qualities – lower end and highest end. ”
“Show lower end”
A not so inspiring piece is shown
“Buy Yonex”
“But…”
“Be fast. The clothes shop will close. ”
“But…”
He inspects both.
“Take yonex”
“OK”, he agrees with a face that’s already changing.

I look around for hubby. Nowhere to be seen.
I pay by debit card and…
Son to shop assistant, “Can I have a complete cover for the racquet?”
“ This model comes with cover for the top portion only”

Dissatisfied, he walks out of shop with the Yonex racquet.
Don’t make a long face now. Now you have a new racquet, play well and win some championships. ”
“What? With this bat?”
“Why not? Try.”

Find hubby on pavement outside with parents. Dad had walked about 1 km to reach us, looks land smells like just out of a workout. I shake my head. And we rush to the garment store. One saree and one dress for younger fellow, bumbum selected and the elder son still has long face.

“Now what? Why are sitting there with that expression?”
“I want Ashway.”
“OK. Go and change it then. Take your dad along.”
Both leave. Two minutes later, phone rings.

“Is the key there on the chair where I was? ”, asks hubby
“What, Iam now on second floor? You lost the key? Why do you need it? ”
“The racquet is in the boot.”
“Splendid. Let me get to the third floor.”
Just one flight of steps. I huff and puff up. Ask parents to stay on second floor and leave bumbum with them. Phone rings.
“Its Ok. I have it.”
Two minutes later, another call
“Why did you pay with card? They have a problem.”
“Stay there. I’m coming.”

At shop, roly poly manager is noncooperative. Given reason- can’t reverse a card payment. Real Reason- has to return money
“But it’s a debit card, not a credit card.”
“The amount is not yet credited to my account.”
“But its already gone from mine. It will go to yours”
“How can I be sure?”
“Sure? It a debit card. What’ll happen if you never get paid from some credit transaction?”
“I’ll take it up with bank.”

“OK. When will this be credited to your account?”, asks hubby
“In 8 hours”
“Ok give me in writing. I’ll collect it tomorrow.”

Roly poly is shaking in anger. Elder son Boozy’s face is expressionless. He is examining the new racquet. Shop assistant is checking time. He wants to go home.

Roly poly writes and passes it. Long face boozy changes to normal boozy.
“Why don’t you keep some cash in your bag? Using a card for such small payments.”, complains hubby
“Why can’t you be where I am shopping? Just stop playing chauffer. You drive us to town and disappear at shop. Stay with the family. Always interested in phone calls.”

And it goes on….

Cochin a.k.a Kochi a.k.a Ernakulam

2010-01-10T21:33:00.000-08:00

Most tourists face the problem. What is the place really called? You fly into Kochi, the airport is called Cochin International Airport. Your Tour operator welcomes you to Cochin and takes you to a hotel in Ernakulam. You arrive by train at Ernakulam Town or Ernakulam Junction when you visit Cochin. The main old quarter of the town is called Fort Kochi. If you take a bus from somewhere to cochin, the destination must read Ernakulam , if you want to reach the city. There are no buses with Cochin as destination. You might get on one to Fort Kochi, though. And if you don’t know the Malayalam alphabet, you’re done for. Few carry English sign boards. And if want the postal address of a friend you made while here, you might get an address like: Mr. xyz, Abc villa, Palarivattom, Ernakulam Dist, Kerala. Pin Kochi- 682032

Well, I have been living in Cochin a.k.a Kochi a.k.a Ernakulam with a postal address similar to above and shopping in Ernakulam town for the last 12 years. I never understood it. When my friends outside the state call, I invite them to Cochin while the relatives in Kerala are invited to Ernakulam.

There is some cross wiring in our heads, somewhere, I am sure. Hope no short circuit happens.

The Night Shift

2010-01-04T02:05:00.000-08:00

Have you ever observed the big railway stations at night? Sometimes, the train you are traveling on is made to wait in the outer limits and you can notice the bright lights ahead as a glow. The steel rails gleam in the golden light from the sodium vapour lamps. The outer limits usually have goods train parked in the non used bays. There are some dimly lit parcel and goods godowns and warehouses. Rarely do you see people on the platform in front of these warehouses. The open doors of the unloaded goods van wait for someone to latch it back.

That night Tukaram had night duty. The shift started at 8p.m. There had been some work of the electric lines. By the time it was done, it was ten in the night. There was nothing much to do through the night, so he went to the duty room. The engineer saab Mr.Shinde saw him and asked if all was Ok. He said, “Yes”
“Have you put back all the tools you took?”
“Yes, saab”

Mr. Shinde went out to check in the tool room. And soon he called out,” Tukaram”
“Ji, Saab”
“Where is the ladder?”
“I asked Balram and Gupta to bring it back”
“Well, they seem to have forgotten. You bring it here. Find someone to help you.”

Tukaram muttered under his breath. Those two always left work pending. He passed the last lamp post. The ladder lay beyond. It was quite dark there. The cloudy night shut out the moonlight too. There was nobody around. He tried to pull up the ladder, but it was too heavy for him. Suddenly, he noticed that Gupta was walking towards him from the other end. He called out, “Guptaji, just pick the other end of the ladder and help me take it to the tool room.”

Tukaram turned around and started walking. The ladder didn’t weigh now with Gupta holding the other end. On the way he said, “Guptaji, I told you and Balram to keep it back. Shinde saab got angry with me.” Gupta was silent. They almost reached the tool room and suddenly there was a power interruption. Tukaram turned around and said to Gupta.
“Just follow, I know to guide it in”
The overcast cleared and the moon shone down.
The long ladder just hung there perfectly parallel to the ground. There was no one at the other end.

When he came to, he found Gupta and Balram beside him.
“ What happened, buddy? I heard my name called out. We were at the canteen and came rushing to find that you had swooned under weight of that ladder. You should have called us to give a helping hand. No one can lift it alone, really”

Tukaram now wondered. “Was that man at the other end of a bigger build?”

The Year Ahead

2009-12-21T00:21:00.000-08:00

At the end of the year, people are looking forward for the annual horoscope. This page here lays out the horoscope of nations, persons, regions et al as perceived.

India
Will notch a growth rate of 7%. Things once held dear will be cheaper For eg. Nuclear reactor stuff. Team India will perform the first quarter. Kareena will puff up like sponge and size zero will be out of fashion. The ratio of pot hole to lanes on national highways will be in favour of the potholes.

IT Sector
Will see new job avenues. Will see more job portals in the virtual sphere. Smart cookies will remain as a rule. Star eyed fools and not so brights will be on roads.

Lok Sabha
Will be visited by the ghost of Vallabhai Patel who will be questioned on the reorganization of states he did long ago. Telengana MPs will start the questioning. At the end of the session, the MPs come to their senses-that more number of states is not the mantra for development.

Fish in Indian Ocean
Will have a tough time to maintain population with over fishing. Terrorists turned fishermen are now bombing the seas to attract fish

Restaurants in Kaiga
Will serve different types of water- hot, cold, sparkling and laced with Tritium. Dishes served should be eaten in certain time limit or will diminish due to half life.

Maldives
Will make diving compulsory for school children as the sea rises bit by bit. Will go down the annals of history as the nation which once used to be and one which which held its cabinet meetings under sea setting a trend.

India, Cabinet Meeting 2010
Will be held through teleconferencing. Minister 1 will in standing in floods, Minister 2 in the cracks of baked earth, minister 3 by uncleaned canals, minister 4 on the container that exports surplus wheat, minister 5 on the ICBM, minister 6 hiding the missing files and bullet proof jackets of 26/11, minister 7 reading the obituary ads of people killed in Thekkady boat tragedy, minister 8 in tribal areas where there are no more tribals just Maoists and converts, minister 9 from the gay parade and the Prime Minister from the advisor’s room. And decide the country is doing fine and needs no far sighted development initiatives and just go building megastructures( hope they learn a lesson or two from Dubai World)

WISHING YOU ALL A HAPPY NEW YEAR

Class Leader II B

2009-12-08T23:55:00.000-08:00

Scene I
It was a Thursday. I went as usual for lunch to home around 2 pm. Bumbum, my younger son arrives around the same time from school. That day, he stepped off the school van with a double smile on his lips. He had the badge of Class Leader II B pinned to his pocket. He showed it off to us ( mum – in-law and me). We were happy for him. I asked him to undress and take a shower and keep the badge safe in pencil box. After having lunch, I returned to office.

Scene II
Evening. I return home with a nasty headache. Take a shower and have tea. Feel better. Ask bumbum to show what he has to study for the next day. Thankfully, his father offers to help. He asks bumbum to come up to the room above where he can enjoy a rest while guiding him in his studies. As bumbum follows his father, I ask him to show dad the badge he got from school. He scampers down and opens the pencil box and the badge is missing.

Scene III
I am yelling at bumbum for not keeping his things in place. Boozy the older son says, “He always looses things. Remember he lost the badge last year and we had to give a fine?”

The grand search begins. Everyone is searching , speaking, yelling or murmuring at the same time.

Mother – in – law is complaining, “She ( myself) doesn’t care for anything”

This sets the note of my yelling higher. Father-in-law zooms into scene and yells at me not to yell as Iam setting bad example for kids to follow.

I start murmuring and ask boozy to complete his homework. And I get hold of bumbum and say, “ Don’t stand there like a fool. Think, where you kept it”
Immediately he strikes a pose with one palm cradling the little jaw with the index finger tapping the side of forehead. “ Hmm. Let’s see. I told Kichu about it”
( Kichu is sis- in law ‘s kid who had come over the afternoon with his mom and had left in the evening)
“Did you show him the badge?”
“No”
“Then where did you keep it?”, I ask almost pulling my hair out.

The mention of Kichu is enough for FL to ring SIL’s home and ask her about the badge. Poor soul, she has no clue what he is talking about. He asks her to search there.

By this time hubby dear descends from him perch in room above as he was tired of waiting for the student and unable to make calls because the commotion below.

Everyone is searching. The sofa set is moved and the floor swept twice. Various things are discovered. Lost pencils, keys, coins etc. But no badge. The mystery just deepens.

Meanwhile, father –in –law strikes an idea. Maybe, bumbum took it to the park in the evening and showedit off to friends.

“No, No. He lost it before that. I saw him going to the park empty handed”, says MIL
“ You all just shut up”, roared FIL, “ Iam going to solve this mystery and started to dial again.

“Whom are you calling?”, enquired MIL

Pavan’s grandma. Maybe pavan has it.
( Pavan is bumbum’s friend who lives nearby)

“Really”, said she cutting the connection.

“ You just let me”, said FIL and made the call again.

It was getting too much for me. I slipped away to the room above to join bumbum who was already there. I was too tired and just lay down on the bed.

Bumbum slipped out of the room. After a while, I hear a Hooray. Father and son duo come up holding the prize badge which bumbum had pinned inside the bottle holder netting on the side of the bag.

Scene IV
Half an hour lar, SIL calls up. All of the elders are in their rooms after the grand search. Bumbum picks up the phone. She asks him, “ Did you get it?”
“Yes”
“Give phone to grandma”
MIL waddled upto the phone, sat there on the sofa and held the receiver for ten minutes. Silently, she kept it back. And proceeded to FIL’s room.

“Why did you not call her after getting it? She searched the sleeping kid, the house, the clothes and is hurt because she knew it that her son wouldn’t have taken it”

“But I just asked because it wasn’t here”

“It’s no good. She is mad at me”

Mother at Seventeen

2009-11-30T01:23:00.000-08:00

It was a moonless night. The time was about 8 p.m. The baby was due anytime. It was raining outside. The pains were coming intermittently. The long labour was proving difficult. Then one push and the baby was out. But the mother was spent. She had breathing problems.The vet was called in, the drip started. He did not have much hope. The calf lay beside the mama cow which was licking her clean. But she was weak and soon she put her head down on the shed floor, her muzzle near the calf. We kept vigil till 11 pm.

First thing in the morning, we were at the shed, and could see the cow breathing labouriously. The vet was there and shouting at the assistant that he should not have administered the drip so fast the night before. And soon, she breathed her last. The calf was orphaned.

We tried to suckle her at other cows in the farm. But she wasn’t accepted. One of the cows even kicked her. Poor calf, she was on her own. Since everyone else in the family had something more important to do, I was given the job of taking care of the calf.

Rummaging through the old bottles, I found one the right size for the calf, tried to fit a nipple from one of young nephew’s bottle. I sterilized the bottle and filled it up with 70% milk and 30 % water, added a spoon of sugar and walked to the barn where she was kept. I knelt beside her. Her legs were not completely steady yet. And I tried to push the bottle into her mouth. She licked once and looked away. I coaxed her to drink and again the same. I tried many times through the day but with little success. She seemed distracted and insecure. That evening I put a sack around her before I crept into the bed and hoped that here won’t be any snakes in the barn. Through the night, I tossed and turned thinking of ways to feed my baby.
I was a mother at seventeen.

By morning I had an idea. I filled up the sterilized bottle and went to the barn and brought her out in the open. Then I astrode her and pushed the bottle against her mouth. She opened and drank a little. It took some time for her to learn to suckle. She would tug at the bottle and I was afraid that the nipple will come off. I think the comfort of legs was soothing to her inborn instinct.

From that day onwards, she thought I was her mom. She would rush to me whenever I ventured. She looked scrawny still with a pot belly as the nutrition wasn’t really right for her. I slowly lessened the amount of water and even gave some mango juice. She was growing and so was my pride.

But it is kind of difficult to play mother to a calf. The moment I stepped out of the houses for anything, the calf came running to me baawing happily. Once when I was putting the clothes out to dry, she came out of nowhere and hit me from the back once, twice and thrice. I lost my balance and fell down. I mouthed some foul words at her and went in limping. The next morning, I went to pluck a papaya and again got rammed in the butt. The calf was doing it by instinct, run to mama and hit at the udders between the legs expecting milk will flow.

I asked my aunt to keep the calf on a tether and she declined to do it, saying that it’s the only period of their life when they can run around. Let it play.

The situation put me in a spot. The milk I gave her in a bottle was not sufficient. She wanted more and she thought she can get it if she rammed me. I could not step out of the house. Seeing my plight, aunt took over. She slowly weaned her off the milk only diet.

And about three weeks later, I ventured out. I saw her coming towards and I retraced my steps. But aunt stood in the doorway. The calf just came and stood beside me expecting me to cuddle her, which I did.

To me, till this date, that calf is the one who taught me what being a mother was.

Mallus Hindi model 1969

2009-11-21T03:58:00.000-08:00

Mr. Pillai at the supermarket, “Chaddi hai?”
Sales girl nods shocked
“Dikha do”
Salesgirl double shocked
Pillai corrects, “ Nikal Do”
SLAP

Mr Kurien to cobbler, “kitna?”
“Sawa Do”
“Adhai mein karo”
Cobbler nods surprised
Mr. Kurien gives him Re 1.50 after the job

Mrs Nair gets a oriya boy to pluck papaya
Pointing to fruit,” Yeh thodo”
“Haan”
“Kitna”
“Panch rupaya”
“Teen mein karo”
“Thik”
Boy climbs up. Mrs Nair is afraid that boy will fall as the tree sways from side to side
“Gir, gir, gir”
Boy looks down questioningly
“Gir, gir, gir”
Boy comes down without plucking
“Woh thodo”
Up goes boy
“Gir, gir, gir”

Mrs Mathew had gone to Kerala suddenly.
On her return, neighbour Mrs Sinha asks,” kya hua?”
“Relative beemar”
“Kaun?”
Pause. Mrs Mathew thinks for a while and then replies, “Sasur ka uterus nikal diya”

Who is a worse miser

2009-11-12T03:54:00.000-08:00

And the first prize goes to…

Marimuthu who lifts his dhoti while sitting on the tattered rear seat of a TN Govt transport bus saying, “ Skin if torn will come on again but torn clothes won’t!”
Mathukutty who divides a matchstick to two to light a borrowed beedi.
Local rich man Ouseph who fools invitees to son’s wedding with more sliced chemmeen puli(a kind of sour fruit which when sliced looks the same as chemmmeen or prawns in curry) and less of prawns.
Grocer Nathumal who writes bills only with first letter of goods sold to save ink in pen.Eg: Cha can be chaval or chai.
Devout Ishwarchand who puts off the agarbatti soon after lighting it so that he can use it tomorrow.
Chamanlal, the gas agent who never buys a cylinder and uses the empty cylinders tilting or lying them sideways.
Shiv Sahu who has his dinner everyday at the fruit stalls, tasting one of this fruit and one of that.
Shankar Chaubey who uses a drop of ghee to massage on fingers to show that he had a rich lunch or dinner.
Or the next door neighbour who buys oversized clothes for his kids so that they will grow into it.
Or Mr. Bhatt who is suddenly devout because they are offering free lunch with the Gita discourse

Please grade them on a 10 point scale.

The Paycheck

2009-11-04T01:58:00.000-08:00

Naveen Kishore was angry. He just got his first payslip which showed the lumpsum as Rs. 3500/- . Where is the last zero? How can the HR department make such a hopeless mistake? He fumed and made a beeline to HR department.

After completing his BBM from a new management college somewhere near Gurgaon, he had opted for this job over many others. Why? Because the offer was much higher. The company ambience also appealed to him. The offices were in glass and steel high rise building and had centralised AC. There was a test followed by interview. There were about 50 applicants who got through the test. The interview was covered on video as the panel said that the real bosses were in Mumbai and that they will be sent a CD to assess the candidates.

Knock, knock, he knocked at the door of the HR Manager.
“Come in”, said a voice
Mr. Gupta was a well dressed executive and always had a greeting smile on.
“What is it, Naveen?”, said Mr. Gupta gesturing him to sit down
“Sir, Just look at this gross mistake!”, said Naveen showing him the payslip.
“What is wrong?”
“The figure, it lacks one zero”
Mr. Gupta pores over it and smilingly replies, “It is alright, isn’t it? That was offer, you remember?”

Silence.

“But the panel offered me thirty five thousand”.
“Come on, Naveen. The offer was Thirty five hundred”
“ Look”, he put a CD in the laptop and showed him.
And there was Naveen, looking smart in a light blue shirt and a tie facing a panel which offered him thiry five hundred and he is nodding affirmation like a fool.

Naveen was so carried away by the way the interview was conducted that he never ever thought twice about the offer.

Now he was in a spot and had to take loan form the personal loan department of the bank where he was a junior executive to pay his dues for the month.

Arranged marriage

2009-10-22T05:27:00.000-07:00

Kerala is known throughout the world for its beautiful backwaters and houseboats that sail on it. It is even promoted as an exotic locale for wedding and honeymoon. Just check out this story before you book the tickets.

It was an arranged marriage. After some misses, this was the hit, arranged to the hilt. The girl Indu lived on the mainland Ernakulam. The boy, Suresh lived on one of the larger islands around Kochi. After a Pennukanal ( Boy meeting the proposed girl) ceremony, the date and time of the wedding were decided by the elders. It was a match on all counts. The boy had a decent job and the girl was a teacher.

On the decided date, our groom Suresh who had invited almost the whole island to the wedding had arranged for one more boat apart from the usual govt. ferry service. Dressed in a silk shirt, he was there leading on the pier leading the people to boat.

“Chinnamma chechi, ah. Chetanum pillerum ille?” ( Chinnamma , is not your husband and kids coming)
“Kuttappan cheta, aduthe boatinnu keram(Kuttappan, let’s board the next boat)”

Someone inquired, “ Da Sureshe, Nee mattavane kando, Avande oru shirtum”(Hey, Suresh, did you see the other fellow, him and his shirt) blinking towards a guy in orange shirt.

So, generally everyone was in a good mood. Suresh had five elder siblings- four brothers and a sister. They were all busy in donning the best dress and ornaments for the day.

At the home, someone moaned, “Mullapoo kazhinnu”( Jasmine flowers are over). Women from Kerala need loads of jasmine flowers to bedeck their beautiful hair for a wedding. Immediately, Kuttappan was sent to buy the flowers.

It was almost 8.45am. The boat would leave at 9.00am. It was a 35 minute ride to the mainland and from there, through heavy traffic, it needed another 45mins to reach the venue. The muhurat was between 11.45am and 12.00

Many people were already on the two boats- one govt. and another private. Suddenly some shouted. "It is almost nine. What are we waiting for or we will be late for the wedding." So the boats started and left the island with our groom Suresh on it. His only solace was Kuttappan with some jasmine flowers.

People on the boats did not know about this till they reached the venue. The bride’s welcoming array of young girls and aunts were ready with the ashtamangalyam( Shagun) and garland but they could not find the Groom in the groom’s crowd. Chinnamma chechi said, “He spoke to me and went to the other boat. I thought he was on that.”

The Groom’s sister called her other brothers and scolded them, ‘I thought he was with you in the wedding car.”
“But he always liked you. I thought he was with you”
The groom’s mom who had alzheimer’s wanted to know why all were shouting and not going to pluck the tamarind from the trees, it being harvest season. “Puli paracho”, she asked( Have you plucked the tamarind).

In the hall, the invitees go the whiff of events. Mrs. Pillai whispered to Mrs. Nair,” Maybe the boy might have come to know about that friend of hers”
“Which?”
“That Rahman she befriended at the B.Ed college”
“Yes, he used to come too often to their house”

Before I go further, let me give an intro to the Kerala weddings. It is true that Kerala is one of the most developed states in India. But at weddings, the average Keralite behaves in a peculiar manner. They jostle and push to get entry into the reception hall where the feast is served. One look at them will make you think that they haven’t eaten for ages. It is almost a stampede.

So, Mr. Mathew said, “Oh! This will be a problem. I have not brought the lunch and taken only half day off. Have to report by 1.00 pm”

Suchitra, Indu’s classmate, was complaining to her mother, “Will you just take this useless baby(her own) off my lap. It will crumple my saree. I have to be on the stage when the wedding happens. Now where is this GROOM?”

“I have a client meeting at 12.30pm. Will this wedding get over in time?”, someone moaned

One octogenarian wanted to know whether the nadaswaram guys did not know other tunes.” “Njangalude kalathu nadaswaram entha rasamayirunnu enno” ( Nadaswaram in our days were so pleasant

Poor Suresh was waiting for the 9.45am ferry. It was 10.00 and no sign of the ferry. They called the boat office on mainland and were told that it had a technical snag and was in the workshop. Now the next boat was at 10.15am.It finally arrived jam packed at 10.27am.

The muhurat time was nearly over when Suresh runs in followed by our welcoming array of girls and aunts, ashtamangalyam et al. Immediately , he is given the thali, the Malayali mangalsutra. He wants to tie it, but there is some old guy who asks it to be flipped and tied. Some one gives him the sindoor to put on her forehead. In his excitement, he dumps the whole little container on the top of her head.

The tense gathering of invitees breaks into laughter. Next moment the hall is vacant as our invitees have gone for the stampede to the feast.

P.S
Suchitra missed being on stage as she had to feed the baby.
Mr. Mathew got in for the first round of feasting and reported to office in time
Kuttappan gave his wife the jasmine flowers in the evening.
Mrs. Pillai’s daughter eloped with the Rahman aforesaid.
The groom's mother now starts off every now and then for her son Suresh’s wedding.
The octogenarian fell in the stampede and fractured his elbow.

Real Life

2009-10-11T21:40:00.000-07:00

Every day in the papers we read of conditions where poverty makes parents sell their child so that they feed the other kids or send the older kid (say 6 yrs) to work. How could they do it? It is a question that has multilevel interpretations.

Long ago, at school, I read the Hindi masterpiece “Kafan” by Premchand and could not believe that anyone can be so ruthless. I hated the father and son duo for their helplessness and resignation. But growing up, I do feel that multiple problems sometimes tend to make one resigned to fate and behave in ways that one would never expect a human to do.

Sometime in 1995 when I used to be a student of MSW, we had a 10 day camp in a nearby village. We traveled by a tempo (a three wheeled vehicle that can accommodate about 12 people but which usually carries about 18 on the rural roads of India). We arrived to find that the stay was organized in the government school house- a single storey building with just two large rooms. One room was assigned to the boys and another for girls. We put our baggage in the rooms and someone inquired where the toilet was. The eager villager took us outside and into a plot adjoining the school. None of us were ready for what we saw.

He showed us the temporary pit enclosed by sacks. The pit might have been say 15 feet deep and about 3 feet wide. They had wooden planks across on which we were to squat and do the holy job with water brought in a bucket from the hand pump about 100 feet away. Only one pit for the twenty two boys and girls - that was just the hint of what was in store for us. And our first brush with reality of how rural India was even in 1995.

“And the bathroom”, someone asked.
“Oh, you can use the village pond.”
Seeing the look on our faces, he said,” You can always use the school toilet as a bathroom”.
So they had a regular toilet. Soon we trooped to find the school toilet. It was a dinghy longish place which stinked of urine and had no running water. The water source was the same hand pump.

“Hey, you lot, The Sarpanch is here and wants to meet you”. All of us walked hurriedly to the school building.

The Sarpanch was a man in his forties, well dressed and the most influential guy in the village. He had studied at the town and had gone to college and that showed in how he spoke and wore clothes. He spoke to us for a while about rural life and inquired how we found the arrangements, and invited us for tea in the evening at his house before taking leave.

The tea at the sarpanch had hot snacks to go with it. We had our fill. We girls had struck an idea before going for tea. We can use a toilet at the sarpanch’s if he has one. And he did have. So before taking leave of the Sarpanch and his dear wife and two kids, all the girls had used the restroom for the day. We were not sure of using the pit in the dark of night before going to bed.

Tired as we were, we slept as soon as we hit the bed (read carpet + bedsheet + bags for pillows).

The next day, we woke up early so that we may complete our morning ablutions before daylight. But we were all sharing the same bathroom which meant the queue was long. Some of the boys went out to the fields in the dark to attend to Nature’s call. When they were retuning, they weren’t alone- many villagers were also returning after the same.

So, finally we were all ready for the day by 9 am. Our teachers split us into groups of four and sent us to different directions. Our work started in earnest. We had questionnaires with us to assess the quality of life in the village. A group was kept at the school to look after the belongings and cook us our lunch. Each group was to take turns at the cooking. By lunchtime we were all back at the school building. It looked so inviting after the hot Sun.

Post lunch we didn’t want to go out in the Sun again. So, we sat around and discussed what we saw, whom we met etc. Our lecturers asked us to plan for a cultural evening which we skit and immediately it was taken up by others. Fillers like mimicry and songs were also plwere to present on the penultimate day of the camp. One of the guys came up with an idea for a skit and immediately it was taken up by others. Fillers like mimicry and songs were also planned.

Next day onwards, it was just heavy work. We went around the village taking a full census. The village temple was in the centre of the village that spread across a vast area. It had two ponds one for the upper castes another for the lower castes. The upper castes lived to the east, the middle order in south and west, while the lower castes and the outcasts were in the northern part. On the third day my team was assigned to the northern part. We covered about 20 households and were nearing the boundary of the settlements.

The sizes of the houses were getting smaller and the material with it was built also changed. The wall height also decreased. There were no pucca houses( houses built with brick and mortar) here. All were kuccha, First, we saw those with tiled roofs, then thatched roofs, then mud walls and thatched roofs and now even the thatch was just namesake.

It was close to 2pm.We were exhausted by then. We asked for water at one of the houses. First they were reluctant to give. They were no sure if they can give us water. Then a boy of about 14 came along and went inside and brought us water. We were happy to note that at least the younger generation was confident of itself. We reached the last house.
In the front yard, under a neem tree, there were an old man, a leper, and a baby on the charpoy( a simple cot with wooden frame and coir ropes).

We started off with our questionnaire
“Who is the head of the family?”
“Iam”, says the old leper
“Name”
“Budhiram”
“Age”
“60”
“No. of family members”
“6”
“Names and age and relationship with you”
“Santidevi, wife,50
Atmaram, son, 30
Urmila, Daughter in law, 25
Vijay, grandson, 6
Raju, grandson, 2”

“And this baby, we asked”, pointing to the baby on the cot
“That is the two year old”

We could not believe it. It looked scrawny and had a bloated head.
Since we had planned a medical camp on the 8th, we were collecting information about the common problems. So we asked now, “Any medical problems?”
“Can’t you see, Iam a leper”
“Does anyone else have leprosy in the family?”
“Yes the wife and the son”
“Where are they?”
“Wife has gone to bring water from the pond on the outskirts of the next village.”
“Why? There is enough water in this village,” we said
“We are not allowed to. Earlier when only I had leprosy they allowed. But now my wife and son have it and they are afraid.”
“And where is your son?”
“He has gone begging to the town. He has lost a foot and so can’t work. So, he begs.”
“Does this boy go to school?”
“No. He helps his mother on the small patch of land.”
“Why did they not go today?”
“She did. But she is weak and swooned on the field. The boy has somehow brought her back”

Then the daughter in law came out of the house -a frail woman with sunken eyes. She stood by the cot. My attention suddenly went back to the baby on the cot.
“Was he like that always?”
“Yes. Something happened at birth. Only, his head has been growing. He can’t sit or stand, lies there whole time.”

I noticed that the baby was now licking something. A second look revealed that it was his own stool. He lay in plain view of the grandfather and the mother and neither took it away from his mouth or cleaned him.
“Look at what he is licking,” I screamed.
“Oh! He does that all time.”
“Remove it and clean him”
“We have nothing better to feed a dying child. The little we have is for the stronger older kid.”

We shoved away the dirt with a paper and pleaded the mother to clean it up which she did with a little water.

“Feed it properly and bring it to the medical camp on Thursday,” we said, thrusting some ten rupee notes into the old man’s hand.

On Thursday, we waited for these people to turn up. At last, in the evening, the grandmother brought it accompanied by the lame son. The doctor examined the baby and referred them to the district hospital. I wonder if they ever took that baby there. The doctor told us that it was a case of no cure and slow death. Most probably, he might have died soon.

The whole scene has come to me again many times in nightmares. We all have studied about the Survival of the fittest theory, but it has never struck me that it can be such a harsh choice.

Premchand’s Kafan is a story that is still repeated. I salute the classic and dread the helplessness

Have you

2009-10-02T08:31:00.000-07:00

Heard people on other end of phone introducing themselves as, “This is I” or “It’s me”?
Hear people on the other directly asking you questions about the family when it is really a wrong number?
Been none the more enlightened when a someone replies,”On This” on being asked what he is working on?
Been disappointed on trying the new dress that looked fabulous in the shop window?
Seriously thought that the weighing machine is faulty because it shows a number you don’t like?
Been made to give some incredulous answer on phone when the caller(wrong number) just doesn’t listen and goes on asking questions?
Have been caught thinking hard before an open fridge when you were searching for a pen?
Been advised by others even without asking about what to feed your 1 year old?
Been yelled upon by an elder who repeats” Bring me that” without specifying what?
Found yourself on the wrong direction bus or train?

If the answer is YES to most questions, you live in a normal world.
If the answer is NO to most, try moving to Moon. They have found water on it.

Working Abroad

2009-09-22T10:20:00.000-07:00

Indians working abroad is a perfectly normal situation. Nowadays you might find more and more Indians abroad. And their success in living anywhere in the world comes from the fact that they are great survivors.

Soviet Russia was one of India’s friends aand Indo soviet scientific and cultural exchanges were common. Raj Kapoor had a large fan following in erstwhile USSR. People from the countries cooperated on different levels. Exchange of knowledge, culture and science meant that the Soviets visited India and Indians visited Russia. Let me recount the experiences of one such group.

Makahanlal Prasad was part of a team of metallurgical engineers who were sent by the Indian government to train at the soviet steel plants. Prior to the trip to USSR, all the team members were given a crash course in Russian language. The group leader was Vikas Bhide who had a Diploma in Russian and spoke fluent Russian. Upon landing in Leningrad, now called st. Petersburg, they were introduced to their Russian guide, Mr. Nicolas Petrov who spoke fluent English. Thus the team started their three month long stay in the USSR.

As was wont to happen in such trips, after a while, a smaller cluster of friends within the team wanted to explore on their own. And so, Makhanlal and friends went exploring. After a while, they were hungry and they found themselves in a different part of the town far away Mr. Bhide or Mr.n Petrov to guide them to a restaurant. But they found one on their own and sat down to order. The menu card was more like ‘Kaala akshar bhains barabar’ ( Hindi saying literally meaning that the printed word was equal to water buffaloes, can’t make out one from another)for them. So they racked their brains to get the name of Chicken in Russian. But hunger had affected our little Indian troop adverselyand created a momentary memory loss for all of them.

Gurjeet Singh desperately said, “Arre yaar, murgi yaad karte karte nani yaad aa gayi”
Makhanlal said brightly, “Aschcha yaad dilaya, Yaar ande ko kya bolte hain?” ( what do you call an egg in Russian)
Gurjeet said, “yayotz”
“And mother”
“Math”

So, the order went as Math yayotz

The roly poly waitress rolled with laughter at the order. And makhanlal and friends got what they wanted. After a sumptuous meal, they remembered to than the waitress and the Manager. Shaking hands with the manager, Makahanlal said, “Sabaka, sabaka”. Others followed suit.

Returning to the place where the rest of them wer, Makhanlal and Gurjeet told the leader that the manager was so overcome with emotion that he did not react when they thanked him , “Sabaka’.

Bhide and Petrov started guffawing. They could not stop for a while. When they did, they said in unision, “Good thingthat they did not beat you guys up”
“Why should they beat us? We paid the bill correctly”

“Sabaka means dog. You should have said Speceba”

Dedicated to all strugglers in the foreign lands.

Pujo and Bhojan

2009-09-17T23:34:00.000-07:00

It was the mid 1960s. India was trying to get over the teething problems after independence. With some of the five year plans in place, India was on its path for development. The large country was in the process of rediscovering itself. People from various parts pf India came to the big towns and the nascent townships that mushroomed around industries and other projects. A nation that has more than 15 recognised languages and hundreds of dialects is a real melting pot and more so were these small towns to which young Indians flocked to in search of work, better life and with a zeal to be part of nation making.

In one such small mining township, young Chandrashekar lived. His wife was expecting their first baby and had gone to their native place in Tamil Nadu for the delivery. He lived in the quarters that the central government had built for the miners. For the last one month he was on his own. Sometimes he used to eat at the small south Indian hotel. Most of the days, he made his own survival food with bread and eggs.

One Thursday, his neighbour, Mr. Bhattacharya knocked at his door.
“Kal hamare yahan pujo aur bhojan hai. Aap jarur aana”
[Tommorow, we have pooja and food at our house. Please come]

Chandrashekhar was overjoyed with the invite. He looked forward to some home cooked, even if it was not south Indian. His was not a position to choose.

The next day, he came home, had a shower, wore appropriate pooja clothes and was at his neighbour’s. Most of the invitees were Bengalis who were happily singing Bengali bhajans. Like most Bengali households, Mr. Bhattacharya too had a harmonium. The couple led the singing. The pooja arati was over by around 8.30pm.

The host and wife did the arati and distributed sweets as the Prasad among the invitees. The small crowd soon made little groups and were conversing away as if it was the only day left to exchange the pleasantries. Poor Chandrashekhar had the language barrier. He stood by himself in a corner.

Seeing him alone, Mrs. Bhattacharya came forward and asked, “Did you get the Prasad? How is your wife? When is the due date?”

To which Chandrashekhar replied dutifully, “ Yes. She is fine. January 10th”

Soon Mr.Bhattacharya joined them.
“ Thank You, Mr. Chandrashekhar for coming along. Did you get the Prasad?”

Chandrashekar nodded. From the corner of his eye, he could see that some of the guests were leaving. Why are they leaving? What about the food?, he thought.
But it was quite evident that the evening’s programme was over.

Just then the host said, “You might not have understood the meaning of the Bhojans we sang. Did you like the Bengali bhojans?”

It was now very clear. Hunger for the night made Chandrashekhar understand all the bhajans.

Bhajans are songs in praise of God
Bhojan means meal
Pujo or pooja is a prayer

The Eternal Truth

2009-09-15T19:53:00.000-07:00

Speaking volumes were the silent
Yet, steady undercurrents
Briefing the long life
Were the flowing currents

Ashes of another abode
Scattered on the face
Of the moving waters
Registered a past phase

I witnessed another name
Losing its meaning
Dropping into the ocean
Meeting the omnipresent

Yet we strut, we fight
Selfish of the worldly possessions
When the inevitable is that
None has any in the end

Written on the banks of Ganga where it comes a full circle- Life, death and everything in between and beyond

Making of a Ballad

2009-09-13T02:01:00.000-07:00

It was a time when lots of burglaries were happening in the neighbourhood. The thieves usually came in the dead of the night, looted the house or establishment as case may be, and even killed any witnesses, if need be. People were terrorized. The fear created bizarre conditions of living. For instance, all the people in a house slept in a single room and dared not switch on the fan because, the thief may hear it and come into the room to steal ornaments which women in Kerala must wear com what may. The sleeping condition also had a rule- When the person at far end sleeps on left, everyone else follows and none can turn to right until the person at the far end turns.

There were all kinds of stories about the burglars’ ingenuity. They said that the burglars had a magic powder, sprinkling which, the iron bars and grills just melts away like butter. So, the people did not dare to leave the windows open. But whatever precautions the people took proved useless. The burglars won every round.

That night, the burglars planned to loot a house of the noveau rich from the Gulf. The Gulf Malayali as you might know is more into gold and ornaments that the normal native Malayali. The burglars prepared themselves for a rich haul. They smeared themselves with oil, armed themselves with ropes, daggers, iron rods, and of course the ‘magic powder’. Reaching the house, they found that the magic powder was of no help as the windows were all closed and secure. They prowled around and discovered that the rear part of the house had tiled roof. Two of the gang were soon on the roof and removing the tiles. Meanwhile, two other were making hindrances at the entry points just to make it difficult for any rescuers. All ready!

When enough tiles were removed, one of the burglars alighted himself into the house. He found himself in the kitchen. Hungry, he first helped himself to some bananas. Then he groped his way in the dark and reached one of the bedrooms and felt the bed. He tried to liberate a neck from a heavy gold necklace and failed miserably. The lady sat up and had a programmed chain reaction. First, the thief was scared, then he made out that all were women and went on tugging at the necklace. The woman held it and threatened that there were men sleeping in the adjoining room.

One of the elder yelled, “ Appunni Naire. Appunni Naire.”

Let me enlighten about this character. He was a wiry old man with fast receding hairline. Usually his forehead was smeared with multiple lines of ‘bhasma’ or holy ash with a Kumkum plus vermilion dot in the middle.
A loud clamour in his room announced that he was awake and moving(he tumbled over an old trunk and fell flat on his face).The sound had an awesome effect on the burglars waiting outside. One or two just slipped away into the night while others waited for their leader and the loot.

Meanwhile, inside, our knight in shining armour(clad only in a dhoti) arrived hearing the cries of the distressed ladies. The dhoti was almost loose with the fall and was least interested in continuing the nocturnal adventure. It left him.

Thieves, burglars or any of the creed are always afraid, especially of men who are abnormal and our dear thief was not an exception. One look at a wiry fellow with smeared ash on forehead and only a flimsy loincloth on standing in a ferocious manner sapped the poor thief of all his courage. He retreated and started to run out of the house. He forgot about the hindrances his teammates had created at the entry points. He tripped over a rope and fell, picked himself up and started to run again with Appunni Nair in HOT PUSUIT.

He chased him out of the house, the compound and the neighbour before retuning gallantly to the home. His wife gave him his dhoti, to which he said, “No . It is OK. My dhoti is quite alright”. He proceed to tie the dhoti right and tight when he realized that he hadn’t one.

Anyhow, Appunni Nair became a local hero and it might not be a mystery if future generations come across ballads in his honour.

The Conclusion

2009-09-06T11:15:00.000-07:00

The Indian summer: it affects different people in different ways. Let us examine the case at hand.

A small village in central Kerala is the stage. After a sumptuous lunch, the household has settled down for a siesta. And thanks, to loadshedding, getting a wink was proving to be difficult. But our braveheart family did not give in. People took to the bare floor where it was cooler. The atmosphere was quiet. Even the cows were not mooing.

Kerala as you might know is a 100% literate state and publishes many magazines, newspapers, weeklies etc for its voracious reading population. These editors are real mavericks for they come up with all kinds of useful information for its readers- for eg: How to make Sambar- a dish which everyone in south India knows to make, How to make your child eat, Why did Cuba have problems, Ask the psychologist column, Weekly horoscope, The story of couples who opted for love marriages etc.

Our heroine had one such useful magazine to help her to go to sleep. She was feeling drowsy when she came upon the page – Cats too can go mad. As the household had couple of cats, she was hooked. Her eyes grew wider as she read on.

She nudged her husband who was snoring away, “Did you know that cats can go mad?”.
“No.” Said he and rolled over to the other side.
But she was not letting him go with that, “Look, I am not joking. It says so here. And they have listed the symptoms too…”
“Eh?”
“1. The cat prefers a shaded place.
2. It doesn’t react quickly when provoked.
3. Once Provoked…” Before she could continue, he took the magazine from her.
She protested and then gave in saying, “OK. Read for yourself. Anyway, it’s almost time to make tea. I will just refresh myself”. And she went into the adjoining bathroom.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhh” She came out screaming and was now standing on the bed.
“ What’s the matter? Why are you screaming?”
“ It’s the cat. It’s in there”
“So?”
“It’s mad”
“Who, our Sati? No joking”
“No, It’s true. It’s in there”
“OK, Let me see”
He tiptoed to the bathroom. And there was Sati lying in one corner of the huge bathroom. He tiptoed out and went to the terrace where the arecanuts were spread to dry in the Sun. He picked an handful and came back and started to pelt the cat.

At the first pelt, she did not bother. By the fourth, she opened a questioning eye. She didn’t like to be disturbed thus. She was in no mood to play. By the tenth, she heaved herself up and padded to the other corner and settled down again to continue her disturbed sleep. But this was not her day! The pelting continued.

Now she had it. She got up and stood in the classic arched pose, flashing her teeth. Her hair was standing on its end. She looked ferocious. She was a big cat and a black one at that.

However, she could not quite understand this sudden change in behaviour of her masters. They loved her and she loved them too. And she had been a good cat. That morning too, she had curled at the foot of the bed and crooned appropriately when cuddled. At breakfast, she had eaten the crumbs and purred gratefully. And she had not stolen a thing from the kitchen, except the neighbour’s. Her mom had taught her not to steal from the house where she chose to live. Then, what was the problem, wondered Sati. Maybe it was the mouse she had failed to catch, but that should not be a problem, Sati thought. Anyway, she continued to snarl and keep the pelters at a distance.

By then, the couple was sure that the cat was mad. Now the husband brought in a pole to poke the poor cat. Meanwhile, the commotion had woken everyone and all of them made a beeline for the room where the action was.

The Lady of the house, my aunt, went in first. Upon being enlightened by the state of affairs by her daughter, who was still standing on the bed, she exclaimed, “Oh! Shut up. Don’t be so stupid to believe in that nonsense. It is a hot afternoon and the poor cat has simply found itself a cool place to nap”. But her daughter and son-in-law differed. As aunt tried to go into the bathroom, they tried to save her from imminent calamity. She shoved them aside and went in and called the cat lovingly. She approached it slowly and the cat calmed down a bit. She picked it up and came out.

“Look”, said aunt. But there was no one in the room. The daughter had gone to a safer place- on top of the dining table. The son-in-law peeped from the kitchen.

“Ha ha haHo Ho”, aunt burst out laughing and added, “We don’t have a mad cat in the family, but two madcaps who think that cats can’t climb on to the dining table”.

A trail of laughter followed.

The Salesgirl

2009-08-31T04:59:00.000-07:00

Salma aunty was fond of cats. Her house overflowed with them. She had nice name for them and loved them more than her children. One day about 5 in the evening,she came home after visiting her ailing mother and called out all the names. She expected all the younger cats to turn up but chinnu didn’t. She asked her daughter to open the front door while she started a frantic search. The search revealed a badly mauled chinnu in the garden. Salma aunty was broken.

Just then, a salesgirl walked in to the compound and asked Salma aunty to take a look at her wares. Salma aunty was least interested.

But the sales girl went on, “Only two more packets left. Take one, please”
Salma Aunty wanted to get rid of her and so she bought one and called out to her daughter inside, “Safia, Just pay this girl, will you?”.

And she hurried to get a shovel and give dear Chinnu a decent burial. After burying the cat and crying a bit, Salma aunty walked into the house. She started to search for her purse which had some money that she had to keep safe. But she could not find it. She started searching in the car porch, the rooms inside, even in the yard. But it was nowhere to be seen. It was dusk by then. Suddenly, she thought of the salesgirl.

It must be the girl, she muttered under her breath.
She ran outside and looked up and down the street. There was none to be seen. She ran to the next street and there she found the girl getting out of a gate. She pounced on her.
“You girl. How could you steal my purse when I helped you by one of your good for nothing washing powder”
The girl looked surprised,. But salma aunty was holding her by the elbow now. The noise brought out some neighbours. Soon everyone agreed that it must be the girl.
Someone commented, “Oh these people. They come to steal posing as salespeople”

Soon, the police was called over. The girl was crying. Her bag and person was searched. “She must have passed it to the accomplice”, shouted a guy.
“Who’s with you?”, asked the policeman.
“Another salesman who leads our team. He is waiting outside the colony where all the girls might have assembled by now”.
“Call him,” commanded the policeman.
She tearfully called the fellow who was there in ten minutes. He was a young chap and looked terrified seeing the crowd and police.
They asked him to show his credentials which he did.

Meanwhile, Safia, Salma aunty’s daughter came out of the house running holding her mother’s purse. It seemed it was under the clothes in the bag. Salma aunty had emptied the bag onto the bed to keep away the clothes and the purse which was on top was now under the pile.

The crowd lost interest by now. It dispersed quickly. The police went away in a gruff. The boy and the girl went their way. And Salma aunty was speechless. She felt bad. Her close friends were the only ones who stayed on.

“I do my daily namaaz correctly. But what is the use when I make such a big mistake. Why did I do it.?” She went on mumbling. It was really a bad day for everyone involved.

Karate kid

2009-08-24T05:24:00.000-07:00

It was 8 pm. I had some doubts about a subject and wanted to discuss with friend living three streets away. So, I started to walk down to her house. There was absolutely no one on the road. I could see two guys on the road ahead, under the lamp post. As I walked on, they started moving towards me. I could see a glint of something in one guy’s hand. I tried to walk clear of them and almost stepped into the drainage canal b the road.

“Don’t move”, said one of them.
Both were around twenty, skinny and looked bedraggled.

“Don’t Shout”, said the other. His voice trembled showing fear.

“Bachao, Help”, I yelled out.” Bachao”

Immediately, the second guy started running. Left alone the guy with the knife was not sure.

I struck a karate pose and yelled again. ( Iam a Bruce Lee fan but one who doesn’t know Karate)

I advanced, he retreated and turned and ran.

I followed him about twenty steps when I realized my foolishness.
What if he throws the blade. I ran in the opposite direction straight to home.
Dad had just returned from the duty. He was removing his boots. He half heard what I said and started off with one boot and chappal on.

There was no sign of the guys.

But the episode got me the name of Karate Kid in the neighbourhood.

Wedding Season

2009-08-24T04:12:00.000-07:00

Around Onam, the wedding season is on in earnest in Kerala. You get invitations by the hordes. There are more than two weddings on some n those days that have auspicious muhurats. Families split and attend weddings on such days.

On one such day, our family arrived for the wedding a bit late. We had to catch a train in the afternoon the same day. So, we were in a rush. We met some of our distant relatives at the wedding but none of the more familiar faces. We could not see the wedding as we got the last row seats. The distant relative said she was an invitee of the girl’s and we said we were of the boy’s. She wanted to know the relation. My dad said that the boy’s maternal aunt had married into his family. She was trying to get it right when we left her and went in for the first panthi or serving of feast. Dad’s plan was to meet the bride and groom after it hoping that the rush on stage would have lessened by then.

By the time we were washing our hands after the meal, my dad’s mobile rang. Dad spoke to my cousin on the other end. She wanted to know where we were and Dad asked her the same question.
“At Kousthubham Hall. At the wedding. Here everyone wants to know where you are”.
‘We will be there in a minute”, said Dad
He asked us to hurry. We were asking him what happened.
I’ll tell you. Let’s get out of here first

Finally when we were in the car and drove out of the Pushpanjali Hall, he said, “We attended the wrong wedding. Didn’t you guys look at the invite”

“We thought you did, mom piped up”

At Kousthubham, all the relatives were pulling us to the feast and we could not have one morsel more. Finally we gave in for a glass of payasam.

To this day, whenever we meet the relative we saw at the other wedding, she wants to get our relation to the groom right.

Lonely Planet

2009-08-19T20:03:00.001-07:00

It was late May. The plains and plateaus of central India were literally melting hot. Dust storms locally called “loo” swirled up the powdery crust of baked earth and thrust it into the nostrils and eyes. But braving this harsh climate, we were berserk enough to drive all the way from Thrissur in Central Kerala to the steel city, Bhilai in Chattisgarh, then part of Madhya Pradesh in a good old Ambassador of 1962 make. Father had recently bought it from a cousin who had bought it from a doctor and the possession had made father a proud car owner, a breed that was not so common then. So he promptly started on this wild adventure of driving over 2000 Kilometres with a mechanic , a cousin who had a passion to drive, my mother and myself, a tomboyish 12 year old.
Our routemap went through Palakkad in Kerala , Coimbatore in Tamil nadu, Bangalore in Karnataka, Hyderabad in Andhra Pradesh , Nagpur in Maharashtra and Bhilai in Chattisgarh touching all southern states of India.
We started after breakfast,waved off by uncles, aunts and cousins. Some could still not believe that we were taking this journey at this time of the year. The driving craze cousin was newly married and his wife was already expecting and she was really sad that she could not accompany us! They took a long time to say ‘goodbye’ to each other.
We filled up and moved on. Nothing untoward happened in the first leg of the journey. We halted for the night at Bangalore. The city was really quiet for its size and it was really a garden city, not the IT city we know today. The Yelehanka Air force Station brought back memories for father. He had missed selection to Airforce because he faltered badly in the shooting test when he saw a spider in the crosswire. He is still scared silly of spiders. Our aim being to reach Hyderabad the next night, we could visit only the Lal Bagh. We bypassed Mysore and drove into Andhra. Now the real test started for man and the machine.
Unending stretches of barren landscape stretched right upto the horizon. Some times we overtook a solitary truck with a turbaned Sikh or an ebony tamilian as driver. Always, they waved and we waved back, each relieved that they were not the only souls on this lonely planet. Once a while we saw clusters of houses, some of bricks and tiles, more with thatched roof. A sight of a single man on cycle with water or firewood gave a clear indication of nearby hamlets. Often one saw paths suddenly disappearing into nowhere. We had to stop now more often as the water in the radiator quickly reached boiling hot conditions. And on a lonely stretch, we had our first flat. As the mechanic, father and cousin got to work of changing the flat, my mother and I stayed put in the car. There were no trees nearby to give any sort of shade. Also, we ran out of water. The car and the people were all thirsty. The barren landscape showed no visible signs of human habitation or more importantly water. Meanwhile none was able to loosen the bolts of the flat tyre. My cousin had a slight fever. The climate was taking its toll. Along came a National Permit Truck and they pulled up right ahead of us. Without us asking for help they asked the three men to move over. The burly Sardarji and his aide swiftly changed the flat tyre. They also gave us their last chagal of water. We were so overcome with surprise and gratitude that we couldn’t thank them before they disappeared as quickly as they had arrived.
The whole episode left a nagging rain of regret in our hearts. Because, though we waved at the truck crew many times, our conversation had always lingered around the shabbiness and immoral and shadowy character these people are said to have. We were ashamed of ourselves and soon as if to make secret amends everyone had something good to say about the truck drivers in general and our saviour in specific. Like how they traversed long distances to reach goods for people in far flung areas and how they helped fellow travellers on road and how their duty sent them far from home and hearth.
This incident was the only ‘happening’ for us in the whole journey and it made me wise to look the other side of any person before evaluating him or her. Appearances and general views may be deceptive.

Life (1988)

2009-08-19T19:49:00.000-07:00

All through childhood
We were in a playing mood

In the youth
Full of Spirits

But as Youth was gone
There was a lot to be done

And as old age came
To take its place
There was no more grace

The sins and untruths of Life
Played before the weary eyes
And suddenly, we were as poor as church mice

At the end of the Yellowing meadows
Nobody was there except for one’s shadow
The painful countdown
Came to an end by Sundown

Death came at last And they called me Late

Couple(1989)

2009-08-19T19:32:00.000-07:00

Their eyes met
Nothing was spelt
Yet, something was said
Their minds were read

They had parted
They felt it was forced
Something brought them again close
A bond which was not to be loose

The cold wind whistled by
Thought of days gone by
Leaves fluttered past
Remembering their meeting last

They thought they understood each other
But there was a mistake
Now they understood
That their bond was not fake

The Sun shined from the clouds
On the once again happy couple

Invocation

2009-07-13T21:00:00.000-07:00

Success, thou art slippery
And seductive too.
The combination is too strong
For one to ignore.

And when you concede
You rule the head
Make the body strut
And lose conscience of self.

Then to master you
Is more difficult
The failure of which
Leads to a fathomless deep.

O! You never cease to make me wonder
But then, had it been not for you
Mankind would not have prospered.
Salutations to thee, O! Success.